I.
Sweaty, dirty, feeling sore. The ground is getting cold under my feet, so I pick up the pace trying to avoid the sharp twigs and brambles. I want to use my knife, slash at wood and give myself some confidence, but I know it would only dull it and I don't know if or when I'll need it clean. The evening sounds begin to surround me, and I'm still in shock from the sudden loss of any and all of civilization's sounds.
I gave a loud, guttural howl, knowing full well those mindless robots would not be intimidated in the least. By this time I wanted them to know I'd set my trap. I'd always felt very ready, and I knew the data jack would not re-activate until the next morning. Surprisingly, the first sounds I heard did not seem like mindless destruction. There was careful pacing, almost respectful sniffing, and a final deep purr. Just as I was about to spring and give in to the feeling this was just another trick, I saw them. A piercing pair or blue eyes that seemed to always have been part of the scenery.
They seemed to examine me, carefully sizing me up. I had forgotten all about my defenses, and after some time I realized that they were no longer looking at me. With calculated precision, the head the eyes were part of slowly made it's way through the bushes. A huge, 12 foot white on black striped tiger started stepping towards me in the trunk of my tree hiding camp. I was about 50 feet from the ground, so I thought I still had time to think. I was leaning over the side of the 4th or 5th large branch of the massive redwood that currently housed me.
With what seemed like no effort, the tiger hopped onto the first branch. It was then that I noticed the claw marks all over the branches surrounding me. I gripped my knife tightly, without really expecting it to make a difference.
II.
I felt the hairs on the back of my neck standing on end. This felt different than ordinary fear, however, and I once again looked at the ground and wondered how much time I would save by simply jumping down instead of attempting an actual confrontation. I no longer had time to think. The tiger opened it's jaw, but instead bit down only on the wooden club I'd fashioned. I swung down like I'd practiced and fell to the ground in a crouch. My trap hadn't been sprung, however, so I could only run to the valley between us and the beach.
I picked up two of the grapefruit-sized rocks and looked around frantically with my back to the water. Before I could even throw anything, however, I was on the ground with one arm in the tiger's jaw and another in an almost gentle grip of its paw's underlying claws. Up this close, I noticed that the tiger's fur was almost shimmering in the twilight.
It seemed to be smiling, but I couldn't tell if it was because it knew it had won or because it felt it was going to have supper. Then slowly it sniffed the air and studied an area completely the same as all the areas around it of the jungle wall. It must have decided it was done playing, as it picked up me up with it's jaws in a completely effortless manner and slung me onto it's back. "Trust me, these robots would do you more harm than good. They know all about your small plan, and have probably been keeping tabs on your location with that knife you're holding onto."
I hung on in disbelief, looking back only to see the square path cut through the jungle by two androids. One of them began running at the inhuman speed, rapidly gaining, while the other bent down on one knee and aimed its rifle. "Hold on," I heard as the first was practically upon us and the second was cocking his riflle getting ready to let off a shot.
III.
The tiger pounced, and we glided into the jungle. We only seemed to touch the ground every so often, and the tiger finally decided we were safe when we arrived at a small clearing near the river. I slowly slid off, and checked my surroundings. I turned to see the tiger drinking a little from the river, stopping for a moment to nod behind me. I turned and saw a small campground, with a satchel and what looked like a compacted tent. I looked around for the tiger, needing to ask it many questions. There was simply noone there, however, so I started towards the campground.
Thursday, March 25, 2004
Friday, February 27, 2004
Othello heard a rustling and turned to see the tiger pawing the ground between them. He wanted to confront her, ask her what she knew of this place that even the androids seemed unfamilliar with, but when he looked into her piercing eyes he suddenly remembered the dream he'd had the night before.
Before she could even make a move, he started towards her and tried to tackle her. He managed to get on her back and gripped her fur tightly as she tried to shake him off. Finally she took off, bucking and trying to loosen his grip. She veered to the side, jumping over underlying branches, no longer thinking about where they were going. He fur was getting sweaty, but Othello had a firm grip and was using his legs to keep himself steady. She raced across the hills, over the river, towards what seemed like a towering mountain.
He kept on thinking that he could tame this animal, but he was unprepared for the steam that began flowing from her nostrils. She was racing, claws digging into every possible foothold in a calculated, precise way. It was obvious she's been through this course before, he realized.
Before she could even make a move, he started towards her and tried to tackle her. He managed to get on her back and gripped her fur tightly as she tried to shake him off. Finally she took off, bucking and trying to loosen his grip. She veered to the side, jumping over underlying branches, no longer thinking about where they were going. He fur was getting sweaty, but Othello had a firm grip and was using his legs to keep himself steady. She raced across the hills, over the river, towards what seemed like a towering mountain.
He kept on thinking that he could tame this animal, but he was unprepared for the steam that began flowing from her nostrils. She was racing, claws digging into every possible foothold in a calculated, precise way. It was obvious she's been through this course before, he realized.
Sunday, February 15, 2004
In grade 9 french class, everyone waited for their math marks. My cousin was also there, and I remember feeling proud and elated this was a grade we shared. I remember waiting for the marks list, not caring that according to my belief these grades were not private. The teacher passed out a copy nearby and skipped me so I made an effort to make eye contact and got something. It looked like an old report card, with too much detail for the anxious. Naturally I looked to the bottom right-hand corner of the paper for the final total, and my heart skipped a beat when I read 20. The fight-or-flight was unnerving as I frantically scanned the paper. I later saw that 20 meant '20 out of 20' and my final grade (possibly written in pen) was written near the top of the right-hand side. I had 70%, which is certainly better than 20 but nothing to write home about either. The initial shock I experienced by accident definitely dulled any reaction I subsequently had.
Tuesday, January 20, 2004
The closed off wing. The leading lady is mean, creating quite a distraction from everyday monotony.
He's looking like his usual teen self, and they were there too. There is some 3 quarters view of the straddle, but that could have been chalked up to something else entirely.
Upset over the change of pace leading to lack of self control. Interestingly enough, the class interprets it without inventing added benefits to delay of gratification.
He's looking like his usual teen self, and they were there too. There is some 3 quarters view of the straddle, but that could have been chalked up to something else entirely.
Upset over the change of pace leading to lack of self control. Interestingly enough, the class interprets it without inventing added benefits to delay of gratification.
Thursday, January 15, 2004
Murder the Structure.
(Puma looks like a mongoose now.)
After complications with the check-in clerk, averted causing a scene because of my brother behind me. Hungry for credit, getting children to scream out his name two times. Last minute jitters, hunger for purchase.
Literally dripping with that disgusting enthusiam pervading all commitments.
Having beautiful nightmares.
Dreams so scary they completely undermine any positive self-image I may have of myself at the time, while being so beautiful it's saddening.
(Puma looks like a mongoose now.)
After complications with the check-in clerk, averted causing a scene because of my brother behind me. Hungry for credit, getting children to scream out his name two times. Last minute jitters, hunger for purchase.
Literally dripping with that disgusting enthusiam pervading all commitments.
Having beautiful nightmares.
Dreams so scary they completely undermine any positive self-image I may have of myself at the time, while being so beautiful it's saddening.
Thursday, December 11, 2003
Flight
Awesome morning flight, though not as good as the first. Power lines and at least a skyscraper from the ground, though.
Arrive at a mountain penthouse, where I enter a cozy abode. She's on a bed and lowlight streams in from a few indistinct sources. I sit across from her at the foot of her bed, and tell her about everything that's happened. She seems happy that I've succeeded in obtaining the degree and the grant I wanted.
By now the room is darker and she's someone I've never met before. She is good-looking, but between us and to the side is her little brother who I'm play-fighting with one-handedly. Her hair is lightly highlighted, bouncy, curly and dark, contrasting with her skin. I get beside her and face the kid to the side, who seems about 9 and a little hyper.
My cousin comes in, wearing a small significant jewel on his forehead. He's following my brother and the other girl, and while he's bowing to remove his shoes he conceals a presumably disappointed expression. After they've gone I guess that if the kid wanted to, he could probably hurt me. I wonder if there's fear in his heart. I bite him and he calms down a bit.
I reach for her. As she snuggles in I wrap my hand around her, hiding her chest. She reacts happily. I wonder why she had her chest out already. My coat jacket feels rough and I don't want to hurt her. I am ashamed about seeing her, so my coat sleeve covers my palm.
Awesome morning flight, though not as good as the first. Power lines and at least a skyscraper from the ground, though.
Arrive at a mountain penthouse, where I enter a cozy abode. She's on a bed and lowlight streams in from a few indistinct sources. I sit across from her at the foot of her bed, and tell her about everything that's happened. She seems happy that I've succeeded in obtaining the degree and the grant I wanted.
By now the room is darker and she's someone I've never met before. She is good-looking, but between us and to the side is her little brother who I'm play-fighting with one-handedly. Her hair is lightly highlighted, bouncy, curly and dark, contrasting with her skin. I get beside her and face the kid to the side, who seems about 9 and a little hyper.
My cousin comes in, wearing a small significant jewel on his forehead. He's following my brother and the other girl, and while he's bowing to remove his shoes he conceals a presumably disappointed expression. After they've gone I guess that if the kid wanted to, he could probably hurt me. I wonder if there's fear in his heart. I bite him and he calms down a bit.
I reach for her. As she snuggles in I wrap my hand around her, hiding her chest. She reacts happily. I wonder why she had her chest out already. My coat jacket feels rough and I don't want to hurt her. I am ashamed about seeing her, so my coat sleeve covers my palm.
Thursday, October 30, 2003
14/09
"Law & Order: Kidnapping"*
Unbelievably real. Even considered the possibility of it being a dream. As scared as I've ever been. Riding around in the car (or a white van?) had a list (or was it random houses?). Last house had 'nuff backdoors. Outside, the older kid was looking sad, and I was like 'nod,' and I'll be on my way. Scary, drove around the corner and there was a discussion as to whether I was going to set-up shop in the snow above the convenience store.
"Law & Order: Kidnapping"*
Unbelievably real. Even considered the possibility of it being a dream. As scared as I've ever been. Riding around in the car (or a white van?) had a list (or was it random houses?). Last house had 'nuff backdoors. Outside, the older kid was looking sad, and I was like 'nod,' and I'll be on my way. Scary, drove around the corner and there was a discussion as to whether I was going to set-up shop in the snow above the convenience store.
11/09
"My brother's keeper"**
Action/drama
I was acting. Fighting a war or something, and I was from the other side. I joined the other other side, a the smaller faction who believed more, and joined the side my brother was on. The ailes was there as the latest of three who are revealed to me in order. The action part is when I go backstage on a magic show or something and find the tigers of two magicians (even though the one I see is a short-haired woman). They attack me, all vicious and sniffing. The dogs come to my rescue, barking at them and scaring them off.
Now we're off to some 1, some road, commerce, and we find the street, and I'm asked what number it is here. They're decreasing, and later I see they're higher but don't stop to think about this discrepancy. The whole lot has miniature houses, and we go into the shed to talk to the salesman. We've been here before, but I was sitting on the opposite side more against it than I am now or something. The salesman is memorably annoying with his curly dark brown (thinks he can get it as dark as me) hair. Cut to me fooling into going skiing. saying I should get 12 and 1/2's (someone better is getting 12 3/4's later) and we're off.
"My brother's keeper"**
Action/drama
I was acting. Fighting a war or something, and I was from the other side. I joined the other other side, a the smaller faction who believed more, and joined the side my brother was on. The ailes was there as the latest of three who are revealed to me in order. The action part is when I go backstage on a magic show or something and find the tigers of two magicians (even though the one I see is a short-haired woman). They attack me, all vicious and sniffing. The dogs come to my rescue, barking at them and scaring them off.
Now we're off to some 1, some road, commerce, and we find the street, and I'm asked what number it is here. They're decreasing, and later I see they're higher but don't stop to think about this discrepancy. The whole lot has miniature houses, and we go into the shed to talk to the salesman. We've been here before, but I was sitting on the opposite side more against it than I am now or something. The salesman is memorably annoying with his curly dark brown (thinks he can get it as dark as me) hair. Cut to me fooling into going skiing. saying I should get 12 and 1/2's (someone better is getting 12 3/4's later) and we're off.
01/09
"On vacation" *** [part2]
Action/mystery in other order. Starts out going to a Toronto subway station, Dundas, or something. Repeated it about 20 times. Go through too much trouble to tie my bike up, as if Toronto was so much more than I was used to. Almost born there, after all. See cousin in the subway station.
Cut to trip to California (nice weather), with thompson and the attorney. Had to go through tunnels, get a little wet to go through a cleaner one, faster or something, remember having calculated the better one whether or not I convinced them. Landed in a southern gimp collector's hut, captured us and after we escaped, me last, I remember telling the boys about how in our last minutes chasing together he changed his ways and tried to apologize and tell me about how all he wanted was a friend.
Took a tunnel to escape the dude and came out on the third floor of a twin house. All we wanted to do was leave, but I spotted the motion detector alarm we set off as we arrived at the door on the first floor. I'm all about going back through the tunnel, but thompson goes back down to the first floor and tries to make what appears to be a boy's shoes fit him. He doesn't get it, but waits, while I get it and get the older's [cool original white w/ france flag insignia] shoes super under pressure. I think I found a good pair, no longer care whether we're going to go front or back the way we came 'cause I can run now (was barefoot earlier.) A good thrill.
"On vacation" *** [part2]
Action/mystery in other order. Starts out going to a Toronto subway station, Dundas, or something. Repeated it about 20 times. Go through too much trouble to tie my bike up, as if Toronto was so much more than I was used to. Almost born there, after all. See cousin in the subway station.
Cut to trip to California (nice weather), with thompson and the attorney. Had to go through tunnels, get a little wet to go through a cleaner one, faster or something, remember having calculated the better one whether or not I convinced them. Landed in a southern gimp collector's hut, captured us and after we escaped, me last, I remember telling the boys about how in our last minutes chasing together he changed his ways and tried to apologize and tell me about how all he wanted was a friend.
Took a tunnel to escape the dude and came out on the third floor of a twin house. All we wanted to do was leave, but I spotted the motion detector alarm we set off as we arrived at the door on the first floor. I'm all about going back through the tunnel, but thompson goes back down to the first floor and tries to make what appears to be a boy's shoes fit him. He doesn't get it, but waits, while I get it and get the older's [cool original white w/ france flag insignia] shoes super under pressure. I think I found a good pair, no longer care whether we're going to go front or back the way we came 'cause I can run now (was barefoot earlier.) A good thrill.
22/07
(? 2 days from now)
"The Coldhouse"**1/2
Thriller. Recurring memories of this dream. Coldhouse up a cliff mountain Ste-Anne and better close the Blvd. champlain. Cold house. Was cold weather.
Entering (by breaking) into one, after having thrown dishes into the fire at the other. Having better time alone on the other side. When finally discovered, made a break for it (he didn't act like I was really in trouble to get me to stay calm was my most recent justification/reasoning).
Got the '67 Mustang. Met up with cousin once down there, talking to him a little about it.
Talking to him like now, thinking of the pros and cons of what I'll say in what context from their perspective before I say it. (Is it good to talk?) Last item before dream ended, "You know how it has two sides?... Led into something. Still driving the Mustang, scared of being pulled over, was thinking about telling him the reason was I didn't have the registration on this car. Blvd.-side restaurants and motel neon signs lighting up the way. The cops ending up not even pulling anyone over.
Feel as though I haven't conveyed the full extent of the mystery of the coldhous(es.) I enter through a rope bridge, and into this single-family sized habitat seemingly carved out of the cliff into which it rests. Outside its windy and ice-cold, but inside a warm and bustling restaurant-like environment greets me. It's prevalently orange, and the fire rages to the right. Small round tables are packed with patrons, all engaged and boisterous. Who cares what they're eating? I don't even remember what I ate, probably some warm pasta, maybe spaghetti and (sounds like meatballs!)
Something about showing off, I at some point threw my dish into the fire. Now, it's not clear whether I owned the dish (and/or by extrapolation the restaurant) or not, but it was definitely an act of [monetary] financial frivolity. Evening (still young) and interesting winding down, excitement definitely waning. Left to go to the "other side" and had to break in. The room was empty, except maybe for a small tool in one of the corners, like an axe of something [shovel.] Caught, after a while, (felt like I slept there,) but next scene after running it's night again with cousin.
(? 2 days from now)
"The Coldhouse"**1/2
Thriller. Recurring memories of this dream. Coldhouse up a cliff mountain Ste-Anne and better close the Blvd. champlain. Cold house. Was cold weather.
Entering (by breaking) into one, after having thrown dishes into the fire at the other. Having better time alone on the other side. When finally discovered, made a break for it (he didn't act like I was really in trouble to get me to stay calm was my most recent justification/reasoning).
Got the '67 Mustang. Met up with cousin once down there, talking to him a little about it.
Talking to him like now, thinking of the pros and cons of what I'll say in what context from their perspective before I say it. (Is it good to talk?) Last item before dream ended, "You know how it has two sides?... Led into something. Still driving the Mustang, scared of being pulled over, was thinking about telling him the reason was I didn't have the registration on this car. Blvd.-side restaurants and motel neon signs lighting up the way. The cops ending up not even pulling anyone over.
Feel as though I haven't conveyed the full extent of the mystery of the coldhous(es.) I enter through a rope bridge, and into this single-family sized habitat seemingly carved out of the cliff into which it rests. Outside its windy and ice-cold, but inside a warm and bustling restaurant-like environment greets me. It's prevalently orange, and the fire rages to the right. Small round tables are packed with patrons, all engaged and boisterous. Who cares what they're eating? I don't even remember what I ate, probably some warm pasta, maybe spaghetti and (sounds like meatballs!)
Something about showing off, I at some point threw my dish into the fire. Now, it's not clear whether I owned the dish (and/or by extrapolation the restaurant) or not, but it was definitely an act of [monetary] financial frivolity. Evening (still young) and interesting winding down, excitement definitely waning. Left to go to the "other side" and had to break in. The room was empty, except maybe for a small tool in one of the corners, like an axe of something [shovel.] Caught, after a while, (felt like I slept there,) but next scene after running it's night again with cousin.
15/07
"Arctic Ice"***
Sad. Three crewed spaceship. The blond girl fell into a coma created by and is abducted by aliens. All of this has a very graphic novel feel to it. The guy (I) discovers a way of extracting the information out of the aliens' DB pertinent to the DNA code of the abducted crew member. The whole question rests on whether he can extract the code relative to the mind, thoughts and memories of the missing blond crew member. When he is successful, the numbers take on her handwriting (later revealed as guy's, clearest handwritten word: "Arctic Ice." Her first words upon returning are "No, no, no..." (She is upset, we, the audience must conclude that the "coma" was a nicer place with a purpose.) Roll credits, invisibly unfocused to me. Episode No °XX, "Arctic Ice."
P.S. Possibly not numbers originally but typed chars.
"Arctic Ice"***
Sad. Three crewed spaceship. The blond girl fell into a coma created by and is abducted by aliens. All of this has a very graphic novel feel to it. The guy (I) discovers a way of extracting the information out of the aliens' DB pertinent to the DNA code of the abducted crew member. The whole question rests on whether he can extract the code relative to the mind, thoughts and memories of the missing blond crew member. When he is successful, the numbers take on her handwriting (later revealed as guy's, clearest handwritten word: "Arctic Ice." Her first words upon returning are "No, no, no..." (She is upset, we, the audience must conclude that the "coma" was a nicer place with a purpose.) Roll credits, invisibly unfocused to me. Episode No °XX, "Arctic Ice."
P.S. Possibly not numbers originally but typed chars.
3/08/01
Little bugs/animals crowding my bed as I went to sleep. Miniatures, figurines. Still but moved if prodded. At first weird bug looked like dinosaur/turtle and two weird mosquitoes. Pretty huge for bugs, scared. Was going to kill them, but they escaped. Went upstairs 'cause although they hadn't touched me, it was gross to know there was huge bugs in my room. But when I came back there was a whole little zoo of creatures. No longer bugs, even little humans. Distinct remember the polar bears. They didn't harm or even touch, 1st or 2nd (in which they ran) time, but rather were just there, AND I was scared, was to kill them.
Little bugs/animals crowding my bed as I went to sleep. Miniatures, figurines. Still but moved if prodded. At first weird bug looked like dinosaur/turtle and two weird mosquitoes. Pretty huge for bugs, scared. Was going to kill them, but they escaped. Went upstairs 'cause although they hadn't touched me, it was gross to know there was huge bugs in my room. But when I came back there was a whole little zoo of creatures. No longer bugs, even little humans. Distinct remember the polar bears. They didn't harm or even touch, 1st or 2nd (in which they ran) time, but rather were just there, AND I was scared, was to kill them.
Wednesday, September 17, 2003
"School"
I go to school, am doing alright except that I'm a few days late. I return home, and call the french teacher after I've made myself an awesome lunch. I'm all apologetic, and it's alright, getting by as always. We then talk a little about the new teacher, who I'm apparently having difficulties with. Then, I'm going upstairs as I expect to hang up soon, and brother is super disrespectful of my food like, "Here, I set it up for you" and throws it. Other brother laughs. I want to say, "Hey!" but I'm on the phone and I resign myself to the fact that if I didn't catch him in the act it's no good. So I make my choice among both priorities and lock myself in the bathroom to get privacy and finish this phone conversation.
I say, "Hello.... Hello?"
Finally, The new teacher answers instead of the french one. She's like, all teary-eyed and stuff, and talking about her morning class, but I correct her and tell her I'm going to be in her afternoon class. She's like, "Afternoon? Yeah, I'm going to it right now! Are you going to be there or do you want me to stand around like a picket?!" (In french, with a french accent.) My heart sinks, as I'm going through the possibilities: I can run and make it late, or not. And I tell her, "No, no.. But in the future (a l'avenir..)." Bad on all fronts: bad with brother, bad with the teacher!
I go to school, am doing alright except that I'm a few days late. I return home, and call the french teacher after I've made myself an awesome lunch. I'm all apologetic, and it's alright, getting by as always. We then talk a little about the new teacher, who I'm apparently having difficulties with. Then, I'm going upstairs as I expect to hang up soon, and brother is super disrespectful of my food like, "Here, I set it up for you" and throws it. Other brother laughs. I want to say, "Hey!" but I'm on the phone and I resign myself to the fact that if I didn't catch him in the act it's no good. So I make my choice among both priorities and lock myself in the bathroom to get privacy and finish this phone conversation.
I say, "Hello.... Hello?"
Finally, The new teacher answers instead of the french one. She's like, all teary-eyed and stuff, and talking about her morning class, but I correct her and tell her I'm going to be in her afternoon class. She's like, "Afternoon? Yeah, I'm going to it right now! Are you going to be there or do you want me to stand around like a picket?!" (In french, with a french accent.) My heart sinks, as I'm going through the possibilities: I can run and make it late, or not. And I tell her, "No, no.. But in the future (a l'avenir..)." Bad on all fronts: bad with brother, bad with the teacher!
"The riddle"*
Starts out I'm taking care of brother. In a mall or something. Go into department store or something, strip and go swimming in their fountain. Later, realize there are still people all over the place. They ignore us as we disorganize everything and take stuff at will. I grab my stuff and we go upstairs into this little room.
On a bed facing the wall.. He splits, then I have to follow, almost outside, and I'm paranoid, worrying 'cause I'm responsible for him and it's so much if we get caught. He's having fun, apparently. Then I have a momentary transmogrification and I'm following to someplace, 'cause I returned there with my sister at night. Brother's not there, which is good, 'cause he would have continued the reckless pattern and pointed me out as the guy who taught him this. I almost take something, but it's risky as heck 'cause there's somebody right there (I see after the fact.) So I hear from her that where we were headed is that-a-way (she's asked that person,) to the biology dept. So we are going, and I'm as gloomy as ever, in the public humiliation of following my her.
She's as bright as ever, asking me questions and stupid ones about where we're going to make me answer. Like taking the wrong path on purpose. Finally, the building turns into the school and I remember thinking, why are going down a step if we just went up one? It totally reminds of an Escher painting. It was probably like in the school, an overpass or something, I told myself. Then, she disappears, and I'm left with two dependents. One, a tall, fair person, is confident and following us well. The other, blind, short and dirty, I'm responsible for as we are going somewhere. The short one is going to wait for us at the biology dept. The blond is faceless, but seems nice. As we walk away, we're talking and getting along really well. There's a whole bunch of people in the central bottom-floor square in a seating arrangement kind of like facing a stage, but I don't look at a stage. I get a good feeling, and I'm not even sure that where the the other is, so I put it in a hypothetical situation that says something nice. All I hear is that "this is exactly what IS happening!"
Down by the crowd, four people ask me a riddle about how 'if I had the last of my water, and we were in the desert' to who would I give it to. I answer I'd give it to both of them, and they are confused, so I try and explain. Someone annoying and small, jumps in and says, "All of them." And that was the right answer. I'm told repeatedly that I gave the wrong answer, I was wrong, etc. by attorney. I wake up a little later, not caring about anything else that having done the right thing.
Starts out I'm taking care of brother. In a mall or something. Go into department store or something, strip and go swimming in their fountain. Later, realize there are still people all over the place. They ignore us as we disorganize everything and take stuff at will. I grab my stuff and we go upstairs into this little room.
On a bed facing the wall.. He splits, then I have to follow, almost outside, and I'm paranoid, worrying 'cause I'm responsible for him and it's so much if we get caught. He's having fun, apparently. Then I have a momentary transmogrification and I'm following to someplace, 'cause I returned there with my sister at night. Brother's not there, which is good, 'cause he would have continued the reckless pattern and pointed me out as the guy who taught him this. I almost take something, but it's risky as heck 'cause there's somebody right there (I see after the fact.) So I hear from her that where we were headed is that-a-way (she's asked that person,) to the biology dept. So we are going, and I'm as gloomy as ever, in the public humiliation of following my her.
She's as bright as ever, asking me questions and stupid ones about where we're going to make me answer. Like taking the wrong path on purpose. Finally, the building turns into the school and I remember thinking, why are going down a step if we just went up one? It totally reminds of an Escher painting. It was probably like in the school, an overpass or something, I told myself. Then, she disappears, and I'm left with two dependents. One, a tall, fair person, is confident and following us well. The other, blind, short and dirty, I'm responsible for as we are going somewhere. The short one is going to wait for us at the biology dept. The blond is faceless, but seems nice. As we walk away, we're talking and getting along really well. There's a whole bunch of people in the central bottom-floor square in a seating arrangement kind of like facing a stage, but I don't look at a stage. I get a good feeling, and I'm not even sure that where the the other is, so I put it in a hypothetical situation that says something nice. All I hear is that "this is exactly what IS happening!"
Down by the crowd, four people ask me a riddle about how 'if I had the last of my water, and we were in the desert' to who would I give it to. I answer I'd give it to both of them, and they are confused, so I try and explain. Someone annoying and small, jumps in and says, "All of them." And that was the right answer. I'm told repeatedly that I gave the wrong answer, I was wrong, etc. by attorney. I wake up a little later, not caring about anything else that having done the right thing.
Sunday, September 14, 2003
Am I supposed to realize what this means? I do the only thing I don't remember: anything else.
As soon as I feel it beginning, the premonition that I'm going to do something I've done before, I stop. I don't know if it's good or bad, and whatever I was going to do certainly isn't either, but I interrupt the flow. I guess that I have to do something different (at least this time around).
So I do. Anything different, that is. Nothing earth-shattering, I usually get around to doing what I was going to do anyway. Is this what getting older feels like?
Oddly enough, this describes not only what I'm writing about, but something else entirely.
As soon as I feel it beginning, the premonition that I'm going to do something I've done before, I stop. I don't know if it's good or bad, and whatever I was going to do certainly isn't either, but I interrupt the flow. I guess that I have to do something different (at least this time around).
So I do. Anything different, that is. Nothing earth-shattering, I usually get around to doing what I was going to do anyway. Is this what getting older feels like?
Oddly enough, this describes not only what I'm writing about, but something else entirely.
Tuesday, September 09, 2003
12/09
"Cabin Fever"*
Couldn't remember at first, then it started coming back to me. I remember the part that was cool like _going_ to the movies, then had to escape this madman who could tower over the woods. I was helping these two strangers escape, and when I turned back and they were no longer there, I didn't trust them enough to believe they still needed help. Met back with them at the lobby and they were mad at me and ignoring me. Escaping had been very hard though, and scary. Another part was the items we had in the car.
At the movies with a large family. I work at the theatre, and so they ask my help in doing this "I-need-a-third-account-to-watch-this" thing. I picture myself asking the guards and stuff to let them in and the risk of failure even though I'm an employee that they simply can't. I am not succeeding in time to add their third account (I'm looking at my watch) since the movie is about to begin and they've already taken their seats. So finally I panic and simply bill it under one of their two existing accounts. As they exit I hear the father say "the bill said to bill it." And that's when I realize I HADN'T paid for it and they had been stuck with the bill even though I had supposedly "invited" them. Embarrassment, humiliation. More to the point, I couldn't express my humiliation at jeopardizing our relationship. The excuses I would have to give! I mean, even if I'd paid for it right there..
"Cabin Fever"*
Couldn't remember at first, then it started coming back to me. I remember the part that was cool like _going_ to the movies, then had to escape this madman who could tower over the woods. I was helping these two strangers escape, and when I turned back and they were no longer there, I didn't trust them enough to believe they still needed help. Met back with them at the lobby and they were mad at me and ignoring me. Escaping had been very hard though, and scary. Another part was the items we had in the car.
At the movies with a large family. I work at the theatre, and so they ask my help in doing this "I-need-a-third-account-to-watch-this" thing. I picture myself asking the guards and stuff to let them in and the risk of failure even though I'm an employee that they simply can't. I am not succeeding in time to add their third account (I'm looking at my watch) since the movie is about to begin and they've already taken their seats. So finally I panic and simply bill it under one of their two existing accounts. As they exit I hear the father say "the bill said to bill it." And that's when I realize I HADN'T paid for it and they had been stuck with the bill even though I had supposedly "invited" them. Embarrassment, humiliation. More to the point, I couldn't express my humiliation at jeopardizing our relationship. The excuses I would have to give! I mean, even if I'd paid for it right there..
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