Why didn't Opera beta detect a new beta?

Help I'm alive by Metric.. Feel like Boomer from Battlestar Galactica when she's having trouble deciding between the water and the trigger

Why does the universe have to be so finite all the time?

sicker than sickest dog

Yay I received the iTunes giftcard I had won!

In related new I just heard my itunes GC is on its way!

the macopoly sucks

I know apple has a good product. I have a macbook myself, and I used to like the ease with which it would sync my itunes library. Now that I have an android phone, though, it's starting to seem like apple is a bit close-minded. Why can't they release an itunes authenticator to let me play my music and videos on my other devices? This is especially ironic in that I believe quite strongly that illegal downloading is hurting the industry and if you're going to have a song on your music player 1$ is nothing especially if you can pick and choose which songs from which albums you want.

I went on a hike to Prevost today. A little far but cute and I got to seee a friend from high school I hadn't seen *since* high school! Overall quite a nice day..

Just watched 'Suicide Club'.. So scary in that depressing way, now I can't stop acting all Hamlet-like

Addled

Sometimes I think I go too fast in the direction of my goals and end up going too far past the mark and getting lost.
For example I was on track with the renovations on my day off and enjoying myself after the day when today I pushed further and got a little overwhelmed with all the changes all of the sudden.
With the listening to my dad and getting surprised by my much older cousin I haven't seen in a while, my step-mom who the building my new apartment belongs to coming back tomorrow on an already delayed overseas flight and drinking a very rare beer, it's been an odd day.

Add to that watching the scariest Japanese movie I've ever seen (Suicide Club) and you can imagine what kind of evening I've been having. I'm getting neurotic thinking about being down and the beer getting me down because alcohol is a depressant. Now I want tea but usually when I'm down I skip any treating myself since I think waiting the depression out is better.

Pish Posh

Where I'm landed now.. Well the new apartment certainly is pretty awesome even though it's not finished. I sometimes still feel bad about going against my parents' wishes to change companies but I like my job a lot more now. My finances are OK, still nowhere near debt even this year hasn't been very good savings-wise.
At least I have my health, I should be happy but sometimes it's hard when I get down about being lonely or something or other and feel like I don't want to talk to my parents or brother because I never really had to growing up and it seems I don't want to be the kind of person to only talk to someone when they need a friend, even if I hope I can count on my family to always be there for me.
In general I'm pretty much living the dream, I feel like I give myself a 'carte blanche' when it comes to having fun or splurging on something, even if it's something I wouldn't have done even a few months ago.
Living alone is so liberating! Of course I still can't justify any of the fun I have, and this is going to sound extremely crazy but it's the little things, they're at once easy to do anyway if I feel like it, but when I am trying to be on my best behavior it's annoying not to be able to do things I used to take for granted.
Take listening to the radio in the car for example. I like listening to a pop station or another, but over the couple of years I've had my car I somehow managed to work all these little reasons why I 'shouldn't' listen to the radio, like that it uses the battery and therefore gas, or the stuff that's on the radio doesn't have very good cultural merit anyway or that listening to the radio will change me in the direction I'm trying to change away from (if that makes any sense) in order to be more attractive to the people I want to be with.
So that's about it, besides that everything is fine and if I can somehow find a way to deal with the fact that all these tiny unreasonable reasons always seem to pop up at the worst times to impede me from enjoying the most ordinary of pleasures I'll be all set.

Really happy to have won that iTunes gift card!

http://ping.fm/DJG2P

I love my new apartment (even though there's nothing in it yet).. Camping and being forced to eat out is fun!

There's something fun about living in a half-empty, half-moved into apartment.. The furniture can be moved around so much, etc.

is in France!

Now that I've gotten the hang of biking to Ikea for breakfast I'm looking for places to go to. Forest trails in parc angrignon, check. Both costcos, check. I think I'll go to Mont Royal via McGill campus next.

Android needs a market website where apks without country restrictions can be freely downloaded from any PC

Walking around downtown nun's island I twice ran into ducks at the store.. Ducks! Downtown at the store!

From LifeCast

From LifeCast

From LifeCast

From LifeCast

And if it wasn't the ducks, it was the great heron at the lake by my place.. Or the family of loons at Parc Angrignon..

From LifeCast

From LifeCast

Emotionally drained; sad (blue) and scared (yellow); stupid job has to color my life with the company colors even! J/K, not wrecked

New bike! Dad's was closer than I thought, only 10km: http://ping.fm/TSLCP

View Forest Walk in a larger map

Paralyzed by perfectionism

It's as if some invisible accountant is tabulating my energy expenditure and as the days starts out OK, my mind wears down with the worries that even though nobody's perfect, I should try and just not do _anything_ because, for example, turning on the computer now will just be a waste of electricity and will add on to the already over-the-limit wifi bill. As you can see, I caved.

Recyling water

I hear they reuse the water from the shower in japan and in a similar vein in think the water going down the bathroom sink should go directly into the tank behind the toilet.

I went for a nice hike today, after the weather we had the air was fresh and the woods were green.. http://ping.fm/U8ciX

Reasons

What's a reasonable balance between a conscious effort to improve upon the past and an all-too demanding perfectionist streak? The things I take for granted are that the world is in bad shape and that there is no use putting all pleasure off. So in between a complete devotion to work and giving in to peer pressure, where do I draw the line? I dreamt that I was reconnecting with my cousin and I was worried that we'd left his wife behind at the store. Is it OK to be friends with everyone? Is is wrong to try and make friends by offering them discounts on flights like I get at work?

Here's what I have so far.. but where's my happy ending?

So why are we here again? What's the purpose of life? (Please leave your comments!) According to the religion I was brought up in, we're in some kind of test to see if we're good enough to get to heaven. Seems a little wasteful of the infinite possibilities that the time and space available in the universe confine us to a set of finite time and possibilities all mostly mapped out. So to be good, well goodness is faith. I think in most of its forms too, like trust of your fellow human being to do unto you and not steal or hurt you. But what else? I justify most of my hedonistic tendencies, which I know are selfish and therefore against some people's definition of good (I think buddhism?) I justify them by claiming we have to be realist in life and take what we can while we're here. It just seems like such a struggle sometimes, right now I don't entirely regret writing this post even though it uses electricity and therefore conflicts with living in harmony with nature or at least self-sufficience.

The other kind of scary dream

This morning I dreamt I was acting the know-it-all in my EWR training and finding other interesting things to do instead. I got so side-tracked that the group went on ahead, I was so worried they were going to leave me behind that I woke up. To top it off I woke up with the guilt from acting that way in my dream, casting a bad light on the new, albeit rainy, morning.

Bittersweet

Isn't anything bittersweet anymore? Fear has crept into my life and taints every future I think about. I don't sleep too well and when I dream they are either melancholy dreams or good dreams I regret aren't real. My sense of self-restraint is all but shot, I pretty much eat as bad as I want and am even staying up to write this and dwell in self-loathing.

Does anyone know about Ceylon tea? I have a lot all of a sudden, but never tried it (or made it) before so not sure how to proceed..

Delays and claims galore.. what else is new?

At least I got my car back.. and this cool new watch from Tokyoflash! I take a delay everytime I check the time now though, it's a whole process to decode what time it is!

Going with the flow...

Ok, this might be a little bit of a depressing post, so I apologize in advance if it brings you down.. I guess what I'm fearing these days, and suppose for the sake of being prepared if it ever happens, is that there is nothing I can do to affect the course the world is on. I am trying to be a good citizen. I don't lie or steal, and generally try to set a good example. my job is really great, even though it's a little easy. But what if my fears a justified? What will happen if the world keeps going to war and resources keep getting depleted, and pollution keeps poisoning the planet and this financial crisis and swine flu, etc, etc.. It's enough to make anyone go nuts. But I don't, I'm not. I try and keep friends, but it's hard when you're scared. Anyway, I would like to be able to affect the world around me starting with myself. I'm earning savings, why can't my company turn a profit? Does anyone out there have any suggestions other than blind faith for dealing with this fear? I obviously already hope that we will get through this by inventing some kind of renewable energy source..

Does anyone know how to read the date on the Tokyoflash Heko?

Android Cupcake is awesome!

Dream

Dreamt I was working really hard on building something between you and I but doing the right thing. After waking up and taking the lazy way of staying in bed, I had a short waking dream of things going very wrong compared to what I had expected.

G1 in Montreal, Canada

So I've seen many of these posts around the 'net, and they have helped me so I thought I'd throw in my 2 cents. While it hasn't officially hit the market here, you can buy a legitimately unlocked G1 from google or elsewhere. You then need to buy a Fido (or Rogers) sim card and activate it with a data account (it'll be around 60$ for free incoming and 1gb of data). I'm using the internet.fido.ca APN, with l/p fido/fido. Even though it shows up as roaming you don't get charged. It's mostly edge, although the speed is fast (about half of wifi) and I do sometimes get 3g. You can data-roam anywhere in Canada for free.

My Days Off

...Were really great. The only down-side is the inevitable obsession with trying not to fall into the guilt that accompanies hedonism. Like for example, I can't help feeling like I've destroyed some kind of disproportionally larger something I've been working on for so long. Like everything I was working on is now shown to be false and that I don't even practice what I preach. I don't know what's with this depression but at least it can't get any worse than self-bashing, right?

http://ping.fm/gr2c7

Street sweepers

Can somebody explain to me why we still have thos huge water trucks that sweept the side of the sidewalks during the day? I mean I realize they're supposed to clean, and maybe this was a good idea back when we weren't in a recession, and the price of gas wasn't through the roof. Here in Montreal, it's nothing the rain can't take care of, and I would honestly prefer being able to leave my car on the street on thursdays. (**Ah I feel much better now.)

I'm a libra but you'd never know it with the extremes I go to for their own sake

Fairytales

Have a new plotline in common. High-born kid dislikes country folk, falls among them and realizes that there is truth in simplicity, and that greater spiritual matters matter more greatly than he had previous realized. (Story of my life.) Now if I could just return to my rightful place like they do, filled with all my learned lessons and maybe a couple of new friends, I'd be all set.

http://ping.fm/47be7

Num Num http://ping.fm/JgXAh

Looks like EWR is burning down again tonight.. As usual

Beautiful morning but still can't stop obsessing about Japan

Ugh.. Stll stuck at work, the last flight is coming in 3 hours late at 1:45 am..

If you're flying into Newark Liberty today I would recommend getting on the earlier flight

Well might not be so bad if I can just delay my trip instead of cancelling it..

Well I guess I won't go to Japan, then.. I suppose it's for the best as I have lots of work to do anyway

So far my days off have been less than stellar. I managed to get no shopping done, spent about 200$ on fines and got my car taken away. I'll be lucky if I get away with spending less than 300$. I've had to go to court once already, and have a scheduled appearance June 29th. I know it's just a car and I don't even need to drive that much but it's hard stress to deal with.
Maybe I'm being a baby about this, maybe I need to grow up a bit.

Back pain, right shoulder blad is in major pain.. Like the first time I moved to Montreal, I had to see a chiropractor after less than a year. Now, with 5 years gone by, I'm trying different things like changing my posture and holding my should with my left arm. The latter seems to be helping.
On a lighter note, I'm finally thinking of taking advantage of some of my travel benefits.. I'm hoping (fingers crossed!) that my Japanese friend (who I only just met) doesn't retract her invitation to visit her in Hokkaido next month, and I might go for a whole week and a half!

Been dreaming real lots lately, enjoying my nights a lot.. Except when I wake up in the middle of them, sporadically, because I'm going to bed too early. I've been going to be too early, especially when I was at the hotel in ewr because I thought it was the safet thing for me to do, both socially and economically. Socially because it was odd how I was having fun being social but having a hard time controlling my feelings. I would feel really sad when things didn't go the way I envisioned..

So there was no use feeling depressed, Amos knew. It's not like he had an escape plan, and the only alternative was to go crazy and spend all his money. Well that's not true, he could always just work harder, but sometimes it felt like he was making no difference and it would all be for naught. So he just continued doing what he was doing.. Not too difficult, it paid the bills, and held promises of travel at any time.
Besides, the people were nice..

Amos was feeling depressed. The Deja vu, which he had once relished for the unusual feeling of understanding something he wasn't supposed to, was becoming more frequent. He was feeling it at least once or twice a day, usually while taking a risk and doing something his instincts told him was 'not in the time budget'. He didn't know if it was because he was gradually losing more and more friends, or if it was because the people he was hanging out with didn't really have a choice but to hang out with him too (family, co-workers, etc.)

Working at the airport was fun. Working Thursday, Friday and Saturday night felt like he was out on the town. The job wasn't that hard either, it felt like he was a bouncer or security guard so it gave him a reason to be 'at the club'. His co-workers he didn't really like since none were really available to him as a friend, and so any time spent with them was at his own expense. He tried to be nice, of course, and looked forward to seeing them if only because it gave him the position of their representative with respect to other people who would not normally have dealt with them.

The men reminded him of boxers. He had never really wanted to fight, and held no illusions about his physical prowess. But the looming financial crisis and his dislike of work scared him into fearing homelessness, just because he was too proud to plan for asking for help. And, he knew, the main sport of the homeless was boxing.

Wow talk about your "junkfood day"...
I had poptarts for breakfast, coffee, pizza and pop for lunch, nachos for lunch and another pop tart for dessert.. And it looks like chicken fingers for supper!
Yikes, good thing I don't eat like this everyday!
P.S. Note that at least the poptarts are organic (Nature's Path brand)

My alarm went off at 7am like I programmed it to but I went back to sleep until 8:12! At least I got a dream out of it, albeit a bittersweet one.
A vacation with my cousins was winding down as two of us went into a fast food restaurant for lunch. We ordered for everyone and got charbroiled steaks for ourselves. As we were geting ready to eat the manager approached us and wanted to take back two of our meals as she didn't know why they'd served us the steaks since they would not be ready for another 20 minutes. She had big chicken strips to offer. I wanted her to leave everything since I guessed she would be throwing the steaks out and I could that myself after investigation.
I checked and the steaks were actually chicken strips. She said no deal and was taking away her offer when I folded and wanted them instead. She totally pwned me!

Dreamt that I had a gf who in hindsight had similar characteristics as Eve from high school. I was part of the FF, we got a long somewhat. I was her favorite, but she wasn't 'perfect' for me, so I drove her to flirt with other guys. In the meantime I tried to have hobbies, Karate that didn't really take that one time.

Current Indie Playlist

Here goes the name-dropping:
-The secret Machines
-School of seven bells
-Ronski speed (not really indie, but still)
-Plusminus
And..
-Stars

Posted with LifeCast

Mental Turret's

Like I can't stop thinking obscene things. Does anyone know good meditation techniques or ways to quiet the mind?

Posted with LifeCast

Good One

Posted with LifeCast

My suggestions for improving the economy revolve around the topic of sustainability, as a lot of my ideas have for a while. I don't know why I'm so worried about where we'll be that far down the road but it seems to me that if we don't make sure every aspect of our lives is getting better, then things like the economy can really bring you down.
Basically as a means of improving local economy I would tax imports a lot more. Imports such coffee and bananas might be sorely missed, but on the other hand perhaps it would get people thinking about the people on the other end involved in the production.
Also, we might find homegrown alternatives, ultimately becoming more independent and therefore sustainable.

I am little overwhelmed with everything going on in my life (and sometimes the lack thereof), it's almost like I'm going through a mid-life crisis. The polarity between my mom and dad is nothing new, and now that I live closer to my dad and I'm trying to spend more time with him I'm losing touch with my mom a little. My dad on the other hand is very difficult to get a long with, even just trusting him is sometimes tough for my paranoia.
In my personal life too, though, I'm going through a bit of a crisis of faith. I can't really say I identify 100% with the way I was raised, and none of the mainstream other faiths call out to me as the one true one either. I really like my internet habit, but the problem with my eco-friendly, 'green' perfectionism is that it doesn't leave any room for pleasure.. In other words if I'm not making money (and that's questionable enough as it is) then the use of any resources (whether I pay for them or not) is not justified. Sigh.. I hope I figure it out one day..

Amsterdam pics!

I have to find the balance between perfectionist discipline and hedonism. I love not allowing myself any pleasure and channeling the resulting anger into work, and most of all I like the confidence that I'm doing the right thing, and that this is the best thing I could be doing for the environment and everyone.
I also like the way things were when I was a little more level headed though. I used to rewArd myself like a normal person, and I wasn't always living for tomorrow. Standards change with age I guess, and in some ways I have it pretty good no matter what I'm doing.

Invention of the week: Car and Dryer combo

I mean, cars always generate excess heat right? and the turning motion of the wheel I'm sure could easily be adapted to a dryer in the trunk..

Had a good summer so far, but now it's like all the avenues I was pursuing are splitting apart from each other and I have to choose what I want to do. Only problem is I'm still not sure which is the best course of action. I'm applying for graduate studies, but at a different school which ended up being more complicated than I thought, so I think I missed the deadline for this semester. Then I'm trying to figure out work and if I should focus on my job or try and find a better one. All the while thinking about meeting someone, and if and when I'll move..

Yesterday I listened to an episode of Podcastle titled "the cup and table" and it really got me thinking. It's about a guy who works for the bad guys but ends up alone with the Grail and a wish to make.. Now I'm sure everyone remembers thinking about whAt they would wish for if they won the lottery or whatever, but I don't know if it's thing I'm going through with grandeur scopes of religion and philosophy, but if it was just me and time stopped and part of my wish had to be bringing the world back to the way it was, I'd want a perfect memory, long life, and the ability to try everything. (Sorry if this isn't the easiest of concepts to relate.)
Now, when there's nothing else how can you think about yourself? Of course I'm tempted to be selfish, and wishing for someone's companionship is what the guy in the story does..

Dreams recently have been on the whole spectrum from so good I feel too satisfied to write them down waking up to just mediocre (feels like extra waking time) to bad ones (ants crawling everywhere, not knowing the answer to questions)

Being a sellout is usually a bad idea, and changing your tastes about popular trends, i.e. jumping on the bandwagon, is not something I find attractive. I consider myself someone who takes ideals seriously, with clear likes and dislikes.
That being said, there is something to be said for being realistic. I used to be a lot less attracted to popular culture at all.. And a lot less concerned with the environment. How much is due to the changing state of the world and globalization and how much to my coming of age it's hard to say.
I wonder how much my realistic side (which is all often seeming to knowingly say, "You should treat yourself") is at fault for my feeling of coming short of my perfectionist goal, and how much of it is I should have waited, and the moment will present itself, like it sometimes does..

My job interviews went well today, I feel bad for everyone who is helping me dream so much, my dreams these days are so bland.

Really digging the new iPod firmware. I must have signed up for at least 5 new accounts on social media nets since I got the new apps. Clowdy is pretty cool for sharing photos, for example: www.clowdy.com/u/adolflow

Feeling a little childish, like I forgot to get what I was sent on an errand to get and I don't want to face the music.
The synchronicity I had with wanting a song (Oakenfold - Zoo York) while the emusic website was down then hearing it at the end of a podcast (DJ Spyhunter - Rise and Fall) continued into weirdness with the song I just bought (Pixies - Where is my mind) playing after another podcast (Blacklight in the attic) that I was having a hard time liking, for some unknown reason. Working on my social skills, I guess I don't want to feel superior in retrospect, even though their imagination requires breaking the (unfair) rules. I feel like even trying to relate by saying I once wanted what they want is wrong because it's implying I'm better (superior) now. I'm spoiled by this great novel (Rainbow's End) I'm reading.
It's probably obvious but I'm trying to be less superior so hard 'cause its my resolution for July.

I want to use the iPhone sdk to make a small-scale RPG for the iPhone and iPod touch. Nothing like WoW, but low-RES graphics and mostly story-oriented.

My top ten podcasts available on iTunes (shamelessly written while listening to said podcasts):
- Beatport
- Escape Pod/Podcastle
- The sound culture
- Psychedelic Salon
- Psychonautica
- The Moth
- You look nice today
- Remix.Nin.com
- CBC Ideas
- Just Good Music

Reflections on the airline industry
After working for an airline for a year, I learned many interesting facts that aren't usually obvious. For example, it appears there is almost a conspiracy surrounding the attitude and intent of the major airlines. Anyone who has a frequent flyer or mileage card knows that some cards can be used with other airlines, but not all. The major airlines are divided into 2 groups: the government ones (Air Canada, Us Air, American) and the Geographical (?) ones, i.e. Northwest, Continental.

OK, because I told people to look here for more 'about me', here's a little more about me: I'm a 26 yo recent McGill grad, currently working for NW Airlines at YUL. It's not much, but there's some nice travel benefits. Social networking apps, you name it, I have it. Facebook, twitter, MSN, aim, ad nauseum.. I don't have a pic on here but I'm sure there's one somewhere below
Heh, I guess most of the rest of the posts between the really early ones (which are dream reports) and this one are personal, so I attribute the change to the "resolution of the month". On New Year's I not only made a new year's resolution but I made mini resolutions for each month. (June is "be friendly" month.)

Well I guess it's back to work for now, but the countdown is on until I can trade shifts and have at least 3 or 4 days off in a row! July 21st.. Now the question becomes where to go? I have never been overseas, so I want to visit either Asia or Europe. Europe is easier and nicer, I think, but more expensive too. The main problem with going to Asia (probably Tokyo, Taiwan or Beijing) is the language barrier. Any suggestions?

I'm experiencing a little philosophical dissonance with the undercurrent of both flight and psychonautica 38.. Matter matters, right? It's just they (and so many other spiritual, meditation, etc. sources) so strongly emphasize that the ego and/or material existence is not important. From what I can understand the universal source of "life" is what behind each one of our egos, and what these sources try to emphasize. I rebel, however, because although my ego isn't perfect, I always hoped to bring my identity with me to the stars..

Seeing as how I haven't written about dreams in a while I thought I'd update on what I've been scribbling down half-awake..
1dec: I dreamt that school had a huge (secret?) pyramid-like building which housed lions, gorillas around the basement (no cages). It's like an American city, there's a marathon going on but letting everyone else go first gets me onto the raft. 'Small field' prof tells me encouraging words.
7dec: Can't believe I dreamt only about work-related scenarios! I was working in my dreams!
10dec: Prof asking when I was going to fulfill my dream of going to medschool, letting me answer only to realize if I went it would take so long to graduate I'd be in my late 30's.
28dec: At school, no sooner had I committed to a Chinese girl that I'm already regretting looking at a blond going upstairs.
2jan: Flying after doing one last delivery for PA, taking the tip even though its 5 hrs late. So, flying down the hall, right eye is going out of focus?
11jan: "Train dream w/ R and D, train hopping after its very late, not breaking the 'rules', break door at end, like wow, lose honor.
29jan: Bringing little lions for trade acrosse desert.
1feb: Playing a star wars RPG in DTW, yes I'm in Monkey form.
18feb: Traveling to meet people in a Cape Cod cottage. It's a judge' and there is a trial taking place. I crash land somewhere and go visit them. They have a daughter my age who is nice enough and we share everything nicely. Her older sister is a hot blonde who I make out with nicely.
2apr: Dreamt that locals were asking me to pick funny looking veggie because they believed my judgement is good luck, because of a lie I regret telling?
19may: Dreamt that I was suddenly responsible for my siblings.
20may: Someone fires a gun which keeps on shooting.
7jun: Around world w/ R. Stop at train station to talk to Boss P. AMS, DXB then direct flight to anytown USA?

I expect I could well use the income from a highly successful corporate type job, the passion or lack thereof, not to mention ideological differences notwithstanding. I understand most people mean well at the start and that there is a fundamental contradiction between the noncomformist and the richER. That being said, however, clearly I can find goals that are neutral in ethics and still require $. Like space exploration, hard climate isolation and so on. I'm somewhat running in circles with the issue of ideaological association and how its supposed to be lonely at the top

Sometimes it feels like I'm walking the fine line between egocentricity and intelligent sensitivity towards silent body language. 'Course, as with most people I think I've developed quite a knack for detecting whether someone likes me or not (especially when it comes to someone from the opposite sex), but if these body language 'conversations' go on for longer than intended (possibly due to shyness on my part) then it opens up a huge gray area for interpretation. Seems like my mind wastes entirely too much time speculation on why other people act the way they do, when it would be so much simpler just to ask them! But, my ego being what it is, finds it simpler to steer any and all speculation about other's opinions of me in a firmly protective if not positive direction, removing the need for any actual ice breaking.. Resolution for the month of June: Be more social.

P.S. Them's not ads in the white on the right hand side, they're my shared items from google reader, where the other 99% of my online time goes.. ;)

Sigh, sooo satisfied.. Not sure I'm being as disciplined as I should, but once a week I go overboard: information bingeing..

Sometimes I think I might be trying too hard. I mean I go to ALL the job interviews I get. In and of itself I think that's fine, maybe I shouldn't apply for the jobs I don't want. Ok enough about what I would have twittered.. (Hint, hint.. I'm adolfonp on there)

The first thing that comes to me when I think of that number, in order:
1: The first, the best
2: Dislike this one since it reminds me of being 'second best'.. I like being the leader
3: Reminds me of "Why?"
4: Work
5: Police
6: Used to be, you know, _evil_.. Now trying to spruce up its image by changing the 'i' to an 'e'
7: Luck
8: The symbol for eternity
9: Internet
10: One shot
11: Change
12: One
14: Artificial Intelligence
15: 15 minutes of fame
17: Last
18: 7
19: My b-day!
I know, very subjective!

Sometimes I feel like I'm missing something.. Since it seems like often I don't do anything when I should be doing something. People I've talked to suggest that I should get a hobby, or try to make friends.. I think they're partly right, I'm missing the social aspect of it.. I think thais not all, though, as I often like being alone. I think I'm missing something like the social aspect of being in a church.

Some notes about recently..
I see our evolution going in the direction of "augmented reality". Better perception, enhanced by creation. Being able to "see" sound waves, our mind's eye focusing into letting us draw on our FOV.
My budget is ok, I haven't had to dip into my savings but I'm worried at my laziness with respect to budgeting mirroring the major financial debt I once got into.
These days is close to "good times", although I'm sure I'm influenced by the freedom of my days off.
I'm still recording my dreams, they're interesting.
I'm not so anxious to get the iPhone, rather the software updates.
So I've been thinking about the spectrum of the forces of physics, in my attempts to fly with the power of my mind alone. Electrical force is much stronger than gravity, the only problem being that on the whole objects on the stellar scale (i.e. the earth) are neutral. What if instead of only 2 charges, positive and negative, white and black, we found a spectrum of charge? Not like the single attractive force of gravity. Maybe there's an even stronger force with more possibilities for charges.
19apr: waking up in the middle of the night cause someone being "shadow people" dropped something. Talking I can tolerate but careful!
Overall pretty happy w/ my body

My efforts to go green
This winter I began to get borderline obsessive in my efforts to save the environment. Ever since I graduated, the need for using my computer diminished, so although I found myself wanting to turn it on to check RSS and such I now limit myself to only using my computer on days when I don't work (since I can check my email anyway).

Pictures of my Hawaii trip at pages.videotron.ca/adolflow !

Started sunday after work (overtime), yqb Monday mornin', guilt, dtw easy, msp brokedown, sea late.
After hours walking home, felt bad about not calling her, swam in public Waikiki at 3 am.
Tuesday Mary took me out to breakfast then to diamond head. I went all around and came up the beach side into the army compound. Walked home that night and had cereal for a snack.
Wednesday I went to ala moana and then to the movies to stay out of the sun since I was sunburnt.
Thursday I went to sea life park and learnt just how strong the current can be when I tried to swim out to a little island.
Friday I went to the north shore, it was awesome getting thrown around by the surf. I watched another movie at night.
Saturday I went on a hike in the morning then to ala moana in the afternoon for more curry and mac nut bars. For the evening I went to a Luau.
Sunday I went to hanauma bay, it was very tropical. I saw many brightly colored fish.
Monday I went back to the north shore, specifically waimea bay. The people were cool.
Tuesday I didn't do very much in preparation for my flight home. I watched I am legend, very sad.

Lately I realized that I somehow stumbled into the role of Ford Prefect from "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy". I acquired a satchel, and I feel like I'm using the guide when I'm using my phone or ipod. All I need now is the ability to flag down a flying saucer and I'll be all set.

Today was my day off, and I was lazy, guilty, hedonistic, went further than I have in a long time, and basically put more into question when I should have been solidifying the tried and true foundations of planning and working for my future.
I want to believe in an open minded society, but there is so little proof and when I do meet people who seem to believe, their reasons are so out of reach it is hard to want to be with them and society. I feel anti-social, and unwanted by others such as the people I meet on the bus, which I take pleasure in since I could be taking the car but I feel like the bus is 'greener'..
Things were pretty weird at some point earlier today. After I gave in to so many of my temptations and just did every even though so many details were not exactly OK, telling myself I only get one day off a week.. Except I feel like I spent more than a week's worth of work already.. So, better end this now before I let myself wallow any longer. It's done, and although I do kind of long to be with other people, I want them to want me.

Long dream where I was at a cottage yearning for attention and/or commitment from the friend but they were more interested in other friends. Interestingly the friend that the dream friend most reminded me of i.r.l. I hadn't talked to in so long and just happened to IM me out of the blue this morning. Last parts were of a smoldering forest, only recalled any after keeping myself hidden.. Shocked out of my skin by this image:

I like to think a possible heaven on earth is after I've solved the problem of finite time and resources I'll be able to create art and novelty, study the science of nature and explore the universe.
Today's thought theme was "the common goal": how other people are useful for helping and how it feels better than average being part of a joint effort. I want to opt-in to people's rules 'cause I want things that happen to erode and I am not clear on how to build bridges.
I want my thought contribution to be excellent it it's own way. I also want to be able to retreat to a place of sustainable stasis whenever and for however long...
Another common goal was the automation of child rearing. Seems that if it would be possible to build a
machine that could read thoughts or put itself in a baby's shoes after we solved the problem of infinite resources for everyone then the only thing the baby could possibly cry about would be wanting other people.

These days I wonder if it might just be me.. Seems like everything's changing.. Maybe I'm just being extra sensitive to the change. Don't get me wrong, I like change, it's just that it invariably begs the question, appealing to one's pride and ego, "How can I control this change so that I'd .."
I still want to be with you, more than so many of the the only things I can know why (?)

It's hard to believe that _I_ could be too hard on my own self, but it's like I make promises to myself, "Oh after this I will let myself buy such-and-such." Which I still think are 'guilty pleasures' when the time comes. I'm all about not giving in to temptation when I'm home, like I'm making up for past crimes all the time. It's not like any amount of work will ever satisfy the guilt, since nothing can change the past.
Ok, more concretely, should I be looking for a better job?

http://www.designboom.com/weblog/index.php
Recently it seems like the ever expanding model of the universe is a particularly fitting metaphor. Now I don't want to sound depressing but it just seems like I'm only every growing further apart from other people, when what I really want is to get closer. I'm also not being chauvinistic when I say I'm not particularly obsessed with one person, I'm not trying to be arrogant by saying all this very stereotypical to me stuff about free love and let's all love each other, relationships can be very serious, what with stds and possible heartbreaks, etc. what with coming from different cultures, etc. Going off topic a little, I had a rather iffy (like this isn't necessarily politically correct and/or might be little too costly for me) feeling from the beginning. It seems like there were more and more something, you'll have to forgive my half attention span due to watching something else.

http://ffffound.com/image/b792d0dac26ac6209e1fd262382b9389d3ddaeb0