Hanging out with K, following her home. She doesn't seem to care much. I invite myself over to her place. She just ignores and I follow. We get to the subway station which reminds me of NY's small stations or maybe one of Berri's sections. When the subway comes it's super clean and shiny, and looks to be higher tech and way better than the ones I'm used to.
"I thought it was going to be like Lionel-Groulx and the green line," I say meekly, since I don't want to overstay my welcome with dumb comments. We get on the subway and ride it until we're eventually riding it in Japan. The Japanese people on the subway are giving me bad vibes because of the way I got here (making me feel guilty and that I'm not as good as them). One guy sitting sideways to the right of us (I'm in the far left corner) is singing (although his voice has a little grit like he needs to cough). He's hitting the high notes though, and generally pretty good. Noone seems to be bothered by him, though, in fact they seem to like him more than me. I don't give in to the paranoia, I just say a few things here and there while playing on K's gameboy.
I eventually ask if she wants me go with her out of the subway (or was it whether it was OK for me to change seats according to the custom of the subways here?). She answers very lovingly, which I like. We get to her place, which is a subway station. That is, there was no walking between the subway stop and her place, we were just.. there. Walking through the front door, we are inside her family's kitchen. It's supposed to be really late, though, like 1 am, and I expect her family (mom, dad) to be sleeping. The kitchen counters are all made of wooden slats. There is just a lamp on in the kitchen. She stops and says, "Well here they are, the people you came to see."
I am surprised to see my cousins from my aunt's-on-my-mother's-side-of-the-family, i.e. Marisita and Jaime from Mexico city. Jaime is still much younger than I am and I am not too worried about him. His older sister, on the other hand, still radiates a vibe of distrust. Having already tried 'nuff stuff when I was 18 and she was 14 (like writing her a letter saying even though I got to go out with the adults I still wanted to be her friend), I don't want to push her away even more. Aloofness is the one thing that hasn't worked in all this time, however, so I decide to put all my cards on the table and greet her with an enthusiastic remark about how long it's been (very out of character for me and would only happen in circumstances where I was sure to get a reciprocal reaction). Dream ends on the cliffhanger of whether it will affect her or not...
Monday, June 26, 2006
22
First sitting somewhere when A.K. motions her head at me in a late bar referring to me while talking to her friends. "..Makes me think death might not be so bad.." she says with a smile. I know it's not that good a thing to say about me but I'm happy she's talking about me at all.
23
Couldn't stop insulting Denis about his hair (kept referencing it to D's). Before that at the Burtnyk's early morning not really wanted. Their cat.
Then preaching my 'holier than thou' wait for the others in the elevator philosophy.
22
Before: K untuitions. Mafia barely friends with a girl who's father's a boss. Tell her to steal the money from the safe while they're there. By telling the monkey the guy is totally there and asks me what my name is.
23
Sexy dream about Ali. When I wake up she's sad I can remember and still want her. Tearing up at 'having to do it'.
Then super sad dream about YH. We're at the new apt and she's barely moved in and she's tearing up at telling me it would be better for her to move to a high rise downtown. I'm actually pretty sad at it to.
27
Scary dream. At school in winter semester, early morning class like Spanish class wasn't too worried about it but knew better than to think I could skip a class. Get a call on my cell from L at work asking me where the heck I am. I rememeber that I forgot to ask that they change my schedule for this week. It was the 'same schedule for the next three weeks' thing that's going on right now but there was a conflict with last week's Friday. They'd gotten someone to sub for me but since it was the same schedule but different dates they just transcribed the same dates without the sub. I was now supposed to come in at 8 but it was 9:30 and my class was about to start. I was in tho room next door looking into the adjacent but not wanting to entter through the side door (I was already a little late at 9:30). So leave, have to skip, in trouble in both places.
31
Weird redneck terrorists. Adam Sandler was their leader. They did drugs at night. They initiated violence even when the cops called theirs off. First the cops came but they began to think it was a false alarm. The whole operation's cover might not have been blown. Some guy decided to shoot anyway but a cop was like, "What are you thinking?". But then full-scale violence erupted when another guy decided to shoot also and throw a grenade. I threw the grenade though but the fuse was far too long. Eventually the whole thing halted when it was discovered one of the cops had Sandler at gun point. I was (dead?) viewing the thing as third person.
1 June
Tunnel and black cat babies.
Tunnel started at home living in a NDG style apt with S who was getting friendlier. Her friend comes over who she schools by asking to please use the R-L tunnel to come over not to be wet in the rain. Her friend has a better body and blond streaks but presumable face problems. I'm already late for work so I leave and want to take the R-L tunnel but I've forgotten exactly how or something and get lost out of rush
2
Carli totally rubbing it in that I'd acted like I'd done someone but I hadn't and me hassling Mat with lots of good questions but getting partially friendly put downs.
3 June
Watching a movie about the neuroscience and what was important was the 15 times per minutes blood flow from the previous part. It was like a movie I'd already seen before. Sylvia was playing my sister, except she was blond and big blue eyed, cute, was my step sister. I (but I was seeing this part like third person) get to the school and have to fight with the 4 people gang. I know it was going to be a win though, so no harm there except maybe feeling the pain at some points. Could see one of the more sensitive thugs (3 ninjas) that were going to ask my sis out. I go out to van and get a box that I will place at her locker that I took from there that morning. I'm a bit of a rebel too but cringed when I saw him looking at the remote. One of the buttons was 'clean my whole house', a joke that now that I think about it reminds me of the clicker movie.
7
Blond teammate being cooler than me. No talking! Then hanging out w/ girls and compassion
11
Seeing superman flying, remember that I have then do a little bit with a lot of trying. I remember the feeling intensely. Visited an apartment that day, and on my way out I felt good and remembered the feeling of remembering how to fly a lot and tried.
16 June
Watching a movie about Aliens and bringing them back to earth with Teri Hatcher that starts out in the country. I start it over for D and snuggle with him to watch him giving him unrequited (he's too young to reciprocate) love even though I'm super stressed about some impending deadline
22
Movie w/ Willis spacefarer returns to Mars (which is now populated and a busy place) from the outer reaches to make things right. Gets caught in a standoff, gets out of it but they have the girl. He drops his gun just as the girl rearranges the guns to point at her captors. (I've seen this movie before so I'm not worried that he'll win out). Not right then? The girl is disappointed.
l2R RPG4 joining a party against the female fighter of that party.(Don't remember more than these handwritten notes).
Hatteras. The B's return to Hatteras often and although I've sort of become friends with them again they don't invite me. Sandwich making? I see M at the comp and W laying down (in headach position).
23
Dreams about S. Going with N on runs each in our vans. As we leave an adjacent building (the backside of a restaurant) S had escorted us out (and we thought that was the last of him), he pops his head out of a chimney to say hi (and potentially that he'd been hearing what we'd been saying). I'm happy with what we'd been saying so that's okay. I kind of want to see how he got up there, though. Before that being in an ep of Lost, I'd seen spoilers (for MI:3) that said there'd be electric eels. S volunteers to go, but he discovers the eels.
24
Hanging out with Dan, in his car. Meet the couple from work and they think Dan is cool. Dan fixes a problem with his car and we get back in it, which upsets me (because we'd been walking until then which put us on more level ground). Driving pretty fast though which was fun. Then ditch him and lose him, even though I thought I could go faster alone. See Meth and the tripDoctor coming off the highway at Atwater, with the doc looking cool wooing Meth. Luckily meth still likes me and asks me what's up. I join them at 4250 St-Ambroise at Maf's apartment #312, thinking I'll be able to rest soon. I got in through my weasel ways. They (I) get a call for a delivery (small money to be made, but it's a start and soon) for some crack. He sounds middle aged and says he's in apartment 19. It's the same building? Doesn't even cross my mind. I go do it, and get it again (even though the sales office is not yet turned off the lights.. Security). As we are now outside on the picnic table. I'm happy to be the one doing the delivery as I'll handle the money. I get to apartment 19 and knock _very_ softly on the door, wait a small to average amount of time then turn back and return. I'm starting to get paranoid that this is a setup/sting. Halfway back (outside) I decide I'll go do it (I'm having doubts like it's not right building) and start going back.
Sleeping while Sarah shows the apartment. Hanging out with Sarah, she's going to show the apartment. I decide to go in my bed right before they get there. Sarah is hot like Nik. The couple sees the place, if I impress Sarah we might _change_. They are seeing the place and it's difficult to impress her as impressing the guys is difficult while in bed. the guy says it's a nice desk, and I go overboard explaining the 3 pieces (even though none of the desk comes with the apartment). She's ready to change (morphs into crack dream above) but I'm reluctant as I haven't even taken a shower yet (why I ditch them).
First sitting somewhere when A.K. motions her head at me in a late bar referring to me while talking to her friends. "..Makes me think death might not be so bad.." she says with a smile. I know it's not that good a thing to say about me but I'm happy she's talking about me at all.
23
Couldn't stop insulting Denis about his hair (kept referencing it to D's). Before that at the Burtnyk's early morning not really wanted. Their cat.
Then preaching my 'holier than thou' wait for the others in the elevator philosophy.
22
Before: K untuitions. Mafia barely friends with a girl who's father's a boss. Tell her to steal the money from the safe while they're there. By telling the monkey the guy is totally there and asks me what my name is.
23
Sexy dream about Ali. When I wake up she's sad I can remember and still want her. Tearing up at 'having to do it'.
Then super sad dream about YH. We're at the new apt and she's barely moved in and she's tearing up at telling me it would be better for her to move to a high rise downtown. I'm actually pretty sad at it to.
27
Scary dream. At school in winter semester, early morning class like Spanish class wasn't too worried about it but knew better than to think I could skip a class. Get a call on my cell from L at work asking me where the heck I am. I rememeber that I forgot to ask that they change my schedule for this week. It was the 'same schedule for the next three weeks' thing that's going on right now but there was a conflict with last week's Friday. They'd gotten someone to sub for me but since it was the same schedule but different dates they just transcribed the same dates without the sub. I was now supposed to come in at 8 but it was 9:30 and my class was about to start. I was in tho room next door looking into the adjacent but not wanting to entter through the side door (I was already a little late at 9:30). So leave, have to skip, in trouble in both places.
31
Weird redneck terrorists. Adam Sandler was their leader. They did drugs at night. They initiated violence even when the cops called theirs off. First the cops came but they began to think it was a false alarm. The whole operation's cover might not have been blown. Some guy decided to shoot anyway but a cop was like, "What are you thinking?". But then full-scale violence erupted when another guy decided to shoot also and throw a grenade. I threw the grenade though but the fuse was far too long. Eventually the whole thing halted when it was discovered one of the cops had Sandler at gun point. I was (dead?) viewing the thing as third person.
1 June
Tunnel and black cat babies.
Tunnel started at home living in a NDG style apt with S who was getting friendlier. Her friend comes over who she schools by asking to please use the R-L tunnel to come over not to be wet in the rain. Her friend has a better body and blond streaks but presumable face problems. I'm already late for work so I leave and want to take the R-L tunnel but I've forgotten exactly how or something and get lost out of rush
2
Carli totally rubbing it in that I'd acted like I'd done someone but I hadn't and me hassling Mat with lots of good questions but getting partially friendly put downs.
3 June
Watching a movie about the neuroscience and what was important was the 15 times per minutes blood flow from the previous part. It was like a movie I'd already seen before. Sylvia was playing my sister, except she was blond and big blue eyed, cute, was my step sister. I (but I was seeing this part like third person) get to the school and have to fight with the 4 people gang. I know it was going to be a win though, so no harm there except maybe feeling the pain at some points. Could see one of the more sensitive thugs (3 ninjas) that were going to ask my sis out. I go out to van and get a box that I will place at her locker that I took from there that morning. I'm a bit of a rebel too but cringed when I saw him looking at the remote. One of the buttons was 'clean my whole house', a joke that now that I think about it reminds me of the clicker movie.
7
Blond teammate being cooler than me. No talking! Then hanging out w/ girls and compassion
11
Seeing superman flying, remember that I have then do a little bit with a lot of trying. I remember the feeling intensely. Visited an apartment that day, and on my way out I felt good and remembered the feeling of remembering how to fly a lot and tried.
16 June
Watching a movie about Aliens and bringing them back to earth with Teri Hatcher that starts out in the country. I start it over for D and snuggle with him to watch him giving him unrequited (he's too young to reciprocate) love even though I'm super stressed about some impending deadline
22
Movie w/ Willis spacefarer returns to Mars (which is now populated and a busy place) from the outer reaches to make things right. Gets caught in a standoff, gets out of it but they have the girl. He drops his gun just as the girl rearranges the guns to point at her captors. (I've seen this movie before so I'm not worried that he'll win out). Not right then? The girl is disappointed.
l2R RPG4 joining a party against the female fighter of that party.(Don't remember more than these handwritten notes).
Hatteras. The B's return to Hatteras often and although I've sort of become friends with them again they don't invite me. Sandwich making? I see M at the comp and W laying down (in headach position).
23
Dreams about S. Going with N on runs each in our vans. As we leave an adjacent building (the backside of a restaurant) S had escorted us out (and we thought that was the last of him), he pops his head out of a chimney to say hi (and potentially that he'd been hearing what we'd been saying). I'm happy with what we'd been saying so that's okay. I kind of want to see how he got up there, though. Before that being in an ep of Lost, I'd seen spoilers (for MI:3) that said there'd be electric eels. S volunteers to go, but he discovers the eels.
24
Hanging out with Dan, in his car. Meet the couple from work and they think Dan is cool. Dan fixes a problem with his car and we get back in it, which upsets me (because we'd been walking until then which put us on more level ground). Driving pretty fast though which was fun. Then ditch him and lose him, even though I thought I could go faster alone. See Meth and the tripDoctor coming off the highway at Atwater, with the doc looking cool wooing Meth. Luckily meth still likes me and asks me what's up. I join them at 4250 St-Ambroise at Maf's apartment #312, thinking I'll be able to rest soon. I got in through my weasel ways. They (I) get a call for a delivery (small money to be made, but it's a start and soon) for some crack. He sounds middle aged and says he's in apartment 19. It's the same building? Doesn't even cross my mind. I go do it, and get it again (even though the sales office is not yet turned off the lights.. Security). As we are now outside on the picnic table. I'm happy to be the one doing the delivery as I'll handle the money. I get to apartment 19 and knock _very_ softly on the door, wait a small to average amount of time then turn back and return. I'm starting to get paranoid that this is a setup/sting. Halfway back (outside) I decide I'll go do it (I'm having doubts like it's not right building) and start going back.
Sleeping while Sarah shows the apartment. Hanging out with Sarah, she's going to show the apartment. I decide to go in my bed right before they get there. Sarah is hot like Nik. The couple sees the place, if I impress Sarah we might _change_. They are seeing the place and it's difficult to impress her as impressing the guys is difficult while in bed. the guy says it's a nice desk, and I go overboard explaining the 3 pieces (even though none of the desk comes with the apartment). She's ready to change (morphs into crack dream above) but I'm reluctant as I haven't even taken a shower yet (why I ditch them).
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