28/12
Running from possible cops after climbing the Selby hill and indulging in the often remarked offerings. More like symbols and decoration than actual substance I thought, but upon closer inspection I find substantial amounts in some 3. Take it and start walking fast as the paranoia starts creeping up. (Insert fancy word here for cross) Through the underpass into westmount, turn left immediately as I think it will be less populated than the areas I know. Hit brush, keep going, behind tennis courts people can see, keep going. Finally I hit large residential backyards and a little path in their back I lounge. Someone is cleaning or something with large boxes strewn along the path and I fear they'll want to know what I'm doing if I cross them so I don't go. Luckily their sense of authority prevails soon enough and they are distracted telling practicing people to do it right. I take the chance and run through the boxes into the path, and go up it until I feel I'm past him, possibly without being detected (he doesn't want to go on the path).
Reach the end of the path and am a little worried. I crawl under the fence at the end and am at a super fancy dinner, which is titled 'Chinese theme'. I think I might try and pass as one of them but the Chineses aspect of this particular backyard is the worst possible one. I double back soon enough and go into the next to last one. Noone has arrived yet, so I have no problem fitting in. It's Mexican themed, which should be easy. I hastily choose a table so that look supposed to be here but unfortunately it only has place for one guest and that won't fit my entire family. I'm given 'Sopa de queso' and understand everything easily enough. Nevertheless, blending in requires conformity to my characters and my translator is called in. He doesn't fill up the guest seat and sits to my left. I begin eating and none of my family is joining me. I have a pet tiger who goes and bothers other patrons at a further table. I call to him but am embarrassed my his name, "BASHo". The translator is telling me not to worry. It's the end of the meal and I'd like to remember many people have joined me although they don't seem too friendly. My pet tiger is nice and likes being pet but I'm still a little afraid he'll try and bite. Returning the hotel I'm not even supposed to be at with M, something about E.
The next morning, visiting K at her house, getting her to come to mine, there's nothing to be done for her fascination with M. Her attention is fully centered on getting to know him and I feel a little left out. In the final scene, outside in my yard as I didn't get changed fast enough to make it into the pool at the same time as them M is making waves and calling them a shield. She likes it and calls him on how they could possibly be a shield. Their english challenge cats vis-a-vis their relationship to me are very compatible. I drop a glass and am madder that it's slowing me down even more. Mom putting up clothes on the clotheline thinks that this was her relationship to W, which is a pretty bad nightmare.
In the St-Augustin-like country getting stuck on a steep hill in the middle of summer because I didn't want to rev up the motor and use gas that much. Hitting math Prof. Paul Koosis' house. It was a good thing I didn't go up that hill 'cause any gas would have been a waste since the house was at the bottom of the hill. In any case, about to jump the fence and check out his backyard when I notice a pretty huge shag dog sleeping further down the yard, surrounded by animals. It's a big as a bear and I'm only glad I didn't wake it up since I don't think it would have hesitated to break right through the low wood gate.
The other house has cows and is actually Marisa's (or at least her doing) and in Mexico or the caribbean (as in nearby) as it's clear I'm vacationing with my family. The floors are pure dirty with baby/pet puke or lots of dirt from shoes, etc. everywhere. She thinks she'll have to clean it from head to toe tomorrow, and I offer to help. I add a little extra 'should'-talk, "..'Course we'll have to take off our shoes", which completely turns her off..
With M and G again, they say they are going to K's and all I want is still for her to like me better. I make it my plan to beat them to her place and do so. She's still sleeping and not very happy to see me. They'd called her so she was expecting it at least. Getting stuff, all of it and not going in or even having her see them as last time when he led the way in and I had followed and gone on the bed.
Final one seeing a commercial where a little kid races an older bully (the actor is way too old) out a subway station, and wins even though he took the stair 'cause he ate cinnamon toast crunch eggos. I go upstairs to the agency and want a shot at being the older bully. They will shoot it in another 30 minutes. Leaving the station a little behind the kid, see him ignore a passing talker who asks if I have a script for him. Go far, in Quebec parliament hill, all the cast and crew are scattered about. See one hot girl beside her van talking to some dimmer. I want to cut in as I know what she means long before him, but I might not win a direct challenge (due to history?). Throw some litter on the floor, about to talk as she's returned from the bathroom before him. Guilt about littering takes precedence, though and I pick it up (ew) and go to the trash one block away. Think he'll be back before I return, didn't even think how dirty my hands would be from picking it up. If only I hadn't dropped it in the first place! Chance with the girl compromised by dirt, hope he's not back.

First begins at my father's while he's gone to TO for the holidays. In a room with a fence, dirty though. Find pictures of something, before in the A/W studio. He catches me and isn't so mad. He actually suggests I go to his study and look through something else. When I get there it's so that he can look at media coverage of 'what's going on in Mais.'. I tell him what I know anyway. I don't find the stuff I could look for until later, something about fat making. Looking through it the scenery changes until I'm talking to Anna by I.M.. She doesn't ID herself but only sends a shirt from Poland's soccer team. Chatting with her I ask her about something only she would know because 'I want to make sure it's her'.
In a house party with strange interlocking flimsy staircases, with N and M. A party, being cool going to the top. Owning the place but not knowing anyone. Try to talk to N in front of people but rejected. M has an emotional problem and help. Morphs into the Alias Wavefront Eigenfaces foce simulator, where you take a picture of your face, pay over 35$ and get a booklet instructing how to make a madel your face specifically. N does it successfully and it seems to be worth it to him. M goes to do it and I suggest he takes a picture with his shoulders. He gets totally rejected, however, because the proportions make him look fat. He gets super sad at that though, and is less worried about the money I apologize for wasting. The house has many stories filled with people.
When the party ends cops have busted it and are taking the building apart or just supervising not having busted. Anna is a cop. I have a last thing to tell her but I have a bad feeling but I tell her anyway. She doesn't answer, she was asian and had a sideburn. Mom asks about zap2it. Going up to her only made me see how liked she was by the mean around her. Getting scared of a bird and thinking it was Uzi someone shot it for her. Luckily didn't kill only took off it's wing. It was a pink pigeon. In the store it can fly with S's idea about winglet made of water.

Third the native american and the end of the world. First my place playing with the lady downstair's clothesline and getting caught by her brother, trying to play it cool. Look over the neighbors are who they are, a naked biker. Then have my own clothesline, which is when M shows up. Then eat a strawberry offered by Mi, even though Dad refused it. I comment, "Strawberries from Kyoto? Japan?" which surprises her more than I expected. Later, during M and I's free time we meet Native Americans. The chief father figure explains that they want to preserve their culture and people. This is why the child (we may have met) is being isolated. They used to just periodically kill an animal, strip it's meat and leave it for him to eat, but this time it seems he was old enough to kill his own meat so returned the meat to them. They weren't expecting this act of initiative on his part so they were unprepared for his venturing into the world. They explained that they couldn't have him coming into the (warm southern modern) world because then they would have to teach him about money, etc. that he has to learn about on his own. For the same reason, they don't want to return him to his reserve themselves. So we return him and I remark that this child is alone all the time, he is so lucky. I catch myself sounding like a loser to M and say, "Well, not all the time.." and he replies, "Usually" which is a lot better than I expected and can only bargain less and say accept, "That's.. right." So we put the child in his igloo, he's dressed in a blue with red shoulder pads lacoste winter jacket I used to wear and, I later remark, a lacoste hat as well. I take the other hand of the view I espoused earlier, it's so desolate here there isn't much to do. I have trouble putting my contradiction into words, though, I don't need to compromise and my pride doesn't want me to. I would be loser to philosophize so fiercely about something so unimportant. Finally we leave and part ways. I notice two lanky middle aged long hair dark asians except they're native too, sorcerers. They are plotting to kill the child. I find out they wish to fulfill a prophecy that states that if they kill all the natives the world will end. I race them, changing into a giant puma and then an eagle. There is no way to be better than them, though. I go to the head guy's house, who is Manny. He shows me out when I ask him for a passcode for his building and he's rich and can have security escort me out if I don't comply. I return again, and again until I the only way I can stay longer is tell him to argue his case for killing the boy, if it's sound I'll only want to join him, right? He reluctantly agrees, I go out on the balcony, soo trash bags, return inside, M is there, I make my point more than I have to and say, "Prove it!" and he seems to grow. M and Ma go outside on the balcony and argue. Ma tries to push M off, totally doesn't work, M is feeling Ma's back and says he doesn't have a lot of muscle, they armlock and M is like, "Ma.." and hits on his arm after his elbow which knocks Ma to the floor. Ma is resilient though and hangs on dragging M to the floor and they struggle. I threaten to kick them apart. I feel relatively in control, like I could walk away with the kid now. He may be brainwashed by the sorcerers, but I know time away from them will break their spell.

Ouch! So much for the *pinch me, I think I'm dreaming!* theory, two nights ago I distinctly remember feeling pain in my dream. I had a really vivid quasi-lucid (pre-programmed) dream. By pre-programmed I just mean that I'd gotten up about two hours early (missing about 4 for full sleep) and I went back to sleep after realizing what time it was. Drifting off, the fantasies I usually indulge in somehow made their way into my dream, in a way that will become apparent.
In any case, I soon found myself in a pretty strange situation, specifically that I was in a stranger's house after having walked them home (they were drunk) and about to leave the kid brother says, "Watch out for the wolves, they come out around this time." It wasn't even dark yet or anything so I wasn't really worried, but I looked out the windowpane in case and saw what I could believe were animal tracks leading down.
I put on my shoes and go outside, but waited too long and the wolves start running down from the hills purposefully. As soon as they turn the corner I decide to try to make a run for it (without even warning the parents that I saw them). I barely clear the doorstep before a wolf sees me and starts running after me. I try to run but it's no use and he jumps into contact teeth first with by gut. I feel blinding pain and black out as it gets worse than I can imagine (exactly that much pain, I suppose).
Here's where the lucid part comes in: I was able to start over from any point in my dream, losing only certainty on the level of what had happened earlier (if that makes sense). This time I try to run up the hill but again they get me. I can see trying over and over again when the father comes over. I tell him about the dream I'm having and he thinks I'm complaining. "I need a gun," I tell him.
Incidentally, I ended up deciding to go without food that evening (a stubborn capricious decision) and only realized later that the hunger pangs I'd felt because of that corresponded to where the wolf bit me.

Patterns and always having to look on the bright side. On the one hand you can be shizophrenic and get all this confidence because it's like, "Oh, I've been here before" and you can be all smug about what's going to happen.
On the other hand, you always have to either break yourself away from that faith at some point and tell yourself, "No, I've learnt from my mistakes and have improved" in which case you lose consistency with the pattern you were matching with in the first place, or you have to compromise and look further ahead, getting all caught up too.
Oh, the realizations

26
Living alone in my regular place when neighbor David suddenly moves out, leaving me the whole, albeit not that great, apartment next door, much in the fashion of Kate's leaving last summer. I don't dare go into it much at first (since I don't know if or when he'll be back, not te mention how little I know him to begin with) even though I want to when captivated by Mont-Ste-Anne in the summer and want to get continue the angle from his windows. I end up going on some mundane reflex and having crossed the line try and look but end up with a patio view of the neighbors. Shortly thereafter, my brother arrives smiling and refers to some proposition he now agrees to about him living with me I no longer remember. I am less than overjoyed since not only do I no longer have roommates, but the neighbor's place was now mine (much in the fashion of squatter's rights).
Anyway, now he's not only implying that he's grudgingly accepted my offer to move in, but that he doesn't think it would be too much to ask to have me outline the terms in paper and sign it for him. I sigh but know we'll work this out, even if it's just him living next door. In any case, there isn't much time to show off my place before we are invaded with old fiends of the older Soto/Brendan persuasion. While I don't like them, I think they think they aren't smart enough to try and atangonize me so I continue showing off my apartment to them, while Fel goes down to the basement to make a wash. After some kind of trying to get them out or turning of my attention from and back to them, they say, "Sorry about this," implying they didn't have a choice, and spray me with a super soaker. I don't understand but see the act of hostility as a complete act of war on their part and know I can't take them all physically. I don't understand the super soaker until they try to throw a match at me which I dodge and run out of the apartment, which blows up behind me. I run down to the basement as fast as I can, tell my brother they're trying to kill us and tell him I'll meet him at the back door, which is right there. I keep running until I'm outside and relatively safe with the crowd and cops. I watch people coming out waiting for my brother who neven does, not evet after the large group. I see the terrorists have a a larger perimeter and have to escape to the zocalo across the street, where I mingle and continue watching.
Later, I'm sleeping on the couch in a _much_ nicer apartment, but waking up from the previous dream or remembering it as a memory or not even just waking up from restless sleep while not being able to get the experience out of my head since in dream time it just happened. Needless to say I'm quite scared and unable to really feel at home, even though there's so much I might even just take and run away with it. The place is so nice it might be worth defending I begin thinking as I see more of it. The bed appears undone as if I've just slept in it. Finally I get to the balcony, which overlooks a white beach with turquoise waters. It's fall but people are swimming, and I immediately want to go. I don't want to go out the front because I'm so scared, so I don't want to go out at all, but then I soo baby panthers playing in the water, apparently there to be played with, which just makes me want to go more. Start looking for a way to climb down from my balcony, which is annoying since it would break but I really want to go down without taking my eyes off it.

Retrospective feelings: Too scared to see my brother's safety through. Again with the Cain&Abel theme. Too fearful for my self in the new apartment to remember my brother. Sad because actions live longer than posessions. I mean, I no longer have the cool apartment to play with, but I want another chance to change how I would act if responsible for my brother.

09
Running away from zombies or something again. With Matt from work and Flor who was his girl. Had to run down about 17 flights of turning stairs. In the industrial sector of the Des Seigneurs bridge. When finally got outside, I was leading followed by M. F trips, Matt doesn't pick her up even though I tell him to, I stop and get her even though I get a bad feeling about if it means I'm going to get caught.
10
Prom with Deb only she was picking me up and I was late and hungry so I had bro tell me I could have the cake which 'wasn't that good' but I knew only needed water. I liquified it and drank it since I didn't have time.
14
One from a couple of days ago when I'm getting too cool to write these down, where some normal stuff happened then ended up having to walk inte the super far underground parking where you paid for your place by helping dig it deeper, in a neverending vicious cycle.
Tonight's at a holiday Inn planning on staying a few nights, meeting this girl whe already knew me and I unfortunately later found out, Jimmy. They had holodecks, she lived there, was a little less than ok. Mascha at the end. Had to leave, had her stuff as an excuse to see her even though I think her mom saw us, which was bad. Later with guy friends, kept thinking about the girl.

30/06
First, myself living with the couple Mat & Nat. I was failing out of McGill while crushing on an unseen girl. My relationship with Mat was definitely at the silent treatment stage, although he just seemed to want peace and quiet. Nat being over, they spent most of their time hidden. When Mat and I spoke, I was told about his concert, and some partying. Deep down, I was happy he was being foolhardy even though I had no idea if it was affecting his grades. I was secretly happy at the mere possibility that he was going to come down to my level.
Second, back home while mother's away for the evening. Claudia's making a huge honestly unprovoked crisis and generally being spoiled. I feel I give in and up to some degree in my belief that I need sleep and the fact that a girl I'm crushing on, Aly, is being over. We retire to separate beds and with all the ambiguous feelings towards a relationship where I have no idea what making a move would cause. Probably nothing special. Next morning, I find Dan sleeping in front of the computer who's almost dead, poor kid was too scared of his sister to sleep upstairs. I tell on my sister. As things wake up, my world consists of three people: (Mom and the young'ins are presumably out of the picture) My brother and Pam, his girlfriend, and Aly, who seems to be with them. My brother feels all important ever since my fall, and his girl potentiates that at least a little. The night before I was accused by my sister of chewing pot leaves, which I dismissed as ridiculous, possibly the reason for her crisis. This morning, probably because my sister told him, my brother makes the same accusation. The only difference is that his word holds a lot more weight than my sister's and even more so ever since my fall. My mother would believe him simply because he's contradicting me, not to mention pot being central to my fall. I feel it would be grossly cost inefficient to try and convince my mother beyond a doubt that I truly have no attraction to cannabis. The truth is I have come to accept that there is a cognitive deficit, albeit reversible, associated with it's _use_, and cognitive ability is first and foremost one of my most important priorities. Therefore, it would be contradictory to my nature to still want pot after I've come to accept it's 'blunting' effect. My mother's image of me, however, is, in practice, very difficult to change.

27
Bad one. Some kind of prom with Brendan and people from work thrown in. Kept being aloof and missing F. Everyone is leaving but at last minute Sharon tells me she has a room so we can go too. Finding is hard but I'm attracted to the idea of sex, since it's better than no sex. The hotel clerk recognizes me when he reads a different name as mine on the reservation. Am I to pay for the room? Getting to the room fills with a lot of others, including Manny, who I may have inadvertedly led to believe I was going to sleep with. He matter-of-factly tells me we're going to fool around, and I'm embarrassed since I've agreed to follow him even though B, his family and who I'd think were my peers are straight. I lose him by going faster and eventually sleep in a random bed. In retrospect, the feeling of being less than these is like the 13th's dream, but with the roles reversed. I guess you somehow have a way of telling if you're retarded.

Alien invasion. Slugs with a conscience. Their superiority complex was justified by their overcoming of overpopulation or single best place. Surrounding us, gradually thinning out our numbers without any seeming engagement. When we reached a critically low number, I made a break for it. Their overconfidence wouldn't allow them to run, so I lost them by the time I reached the car lot. Broke a car window even though it would attract attention. Unable to hotwire, trying most of the red-other color wire combinations. Tried again in a convertible Audi, but while it was more user-friendly, it also seemed more tamper-proof. Making compromises but not succeeding, even in company of ML. Wake up right before trying the PA zebra. After staying up long enough to blaming ML for his inability, return to the dream with the case that he should know. He remembers and goes for it but I only keep up with him long enough to see he uses special keys. He gets it alright, but takes a girl in a two seater and leaves me with wasted time.
The aliens are marching closer, and the cars are getting sparser.

Two. First in a third person rpg like nWn, only playing with a girl. Had to get to the last monster without being caught by 'Cain' and his (zombies?) Had defeated the last boss by myself before, but the girl was lagging. I made it to the place where the scene would change and 'Cain' wouldn't be able to catch us anymore. I was on top of the building, a relatively safer place, and using binocular vision to see if the girl was on her way. I saw the usual NPCs milling about, and Anna was on her way there, but where was Ying-Tzu?
One other, at a very important and influential english business man's house where I would normally definitely be trying to make a good impression, but since I was attracted to A-Anne, she was the only one I seemed to be trying to please, even when she outright contradicted the owner's will. Talking to her instead of him and ignoring his attempts to talk to me, even though I knew that I would be alone with her for the rest of the night or whatever and that I would probably not get a chance to make this impression on the man again. Kept trying to finish story about a GameBoy game, but she was only interested in Tommy White who was actually playing it (and listening to me, but she kept interrupting with gameplay comments.)

27
Bad one. Some kind of prom with Brendan and people from work thrown in. Kept being aloof and missing F. Everyone is leaving but at last minute Sharon tells me she has a room so we can go too. Finding is hard but I'm attracted to the idea of sex, since it's better than no sex. The hotel clerk recognizes me when he reads a different name as mine on the reservation. Am I to pay for the room? Getting to the room fills with a lot of others, including Manny, who I may have inadvertedly led to believe I was going to sleep with. He matter-of-factly tells me we're going to fool around, and I'm embarrassed since I've agreed to follow him even though B, his family and who I'd think were my peers are straight. I lose him by going faster and eventually sleep in a random bed. In retrospect, the feeling of being less than these is like the 13th's dream, but with the roles reversed. I guess you somehow have a way of telling if you're retarded.

13
Dreamt that Manny was a customer, but kind of retarded. I was driving him home, but halfway there I noticed he was being highly critical of my driving, and his lack of social intelligence might just allow him to report his feelings to my boss. Had to ditch the van and continue on foot in the suburbs near St-Vincent's. Ran into trouble when bullies started chasing us, ond Manny wouldn't run. When they caught us because of him, his true intention was taken as a joke and they thought they'd call his bluff and make us all go 'for a round.'
Before that, in a hospital before entering Cegep, going for a required exam. Go to high and return to the floor where mom is finding the place faster. The waiting line is long and the doctor is trying te be cool. Finding out that it's just any physical, we decide to go to a doc I've been to before. Before leaving, mom sees that my charts are just there for the taking and we take them. She says te condition for taking them is that we ration them, like she'll read a little to me every now and again.
The test was a physical pain limit test, where the doc would cut my foot off until I couldn't take anymore. Looking at the chart, there was the first section '1-9', then the second section "Want to make a commitment (and presumably jump straight to that intensity)?" '10-19' and then the rest, with the numbers turning into stuff like 'clarity' at around 40.

25/07
Super sad that I had to ditch the PA van in front of KC's house, which he'd shown me earlier that dream: It was a duplex-condo, like 2379 Duvernay but in a much hillier neighbourhood, definitely QC. I think it was the the Fontenay neighbourhood farthest from my place, but had overtones of Soto's Chemin Ste-Foy place. His place was nice but I declined his invitation/follow-through with the plan in my usual 'don't-want-to-accept-anything-from-anyone' attitude. He went in, and he seemed to watch a movie. I had to ditch t he van out of fear after something terrible happened to it, like it being stripped for parts (ie, the tires.) Ran around the backyards trying to get away from the situation ASAP, but kept running into people. I kept my best air of belonging but deep down I was scared and sad/disappointed in myself for lettincg it come to this.
The life of a cat. Sad, unwanted and alone. Fiercely efficient but only one.
After seeing the cats outside my window, I dreamt that I was part of a team of cats that was storming the fortress of an evil mummy. I could fly and had to go back to change weapons which seemed effective in the end. The sad ending was failure or disappointment.
Midday dream about extracting DMT, just enough for one hit, from a little of my MHRB. Poured it into a smoking position but woke up before I did. Felt like I wasted.

Of course, there are many theories as to why we dream. Science is hard pressed to actually explain the rapid eye movements associated with them, though. First I believed it was simply a by-product, a reflexive action that our brains would eventually learn to correct, if only for the sake of efficiency and not wasting energy.
I was giving this some thought last night, though, and I remembered readnig in some Psych texts that you can tell if someone is lying if they look at their upper right visual field before answering, since that (in theory) meant they were accessing their right brain (the creative) to make up a lie.
In this light, I suppose the flitting eye movements are probably not due to to looking or processing information faster than waking but to accessing different parts of the brain as fast as waking while letting the eyes follow their default action since they are not being used for sight.

REM sleep
Has anyone figured out the purpose of rapid eye movement during sleep? Certainly, it's an indicator of dreaming, but why the darting eyes? Are we actually looking at the back of our eyelids? Probably not. More likely, our visual cortex is being stimulated by what we 'see' in our dreams and flickering eye movements are a by-product of the action of shifting our visual fields in our mind's eye (whew..) Sort of like some of the movements we might make in deep sleep. So why are they so fast? I mean, it is called rapid eye movement. Are we seeing things at an accelerated pace? Do we then process, make decisions and likewise think faster in deep sleep? Is this a primordial way of thinking, where a split second meant the difference between life and death?

Shamanism and occult insight
It's interesting to note that any real insight or relationship with a visionary plant is realized mostly through habit. That is, one must forsake novelty and build a routine surrounding this plant to reap any of the benefits (which are, paradoxically, novel ideas.) Makes one think about nomadism and sedentary lifestyles, and how that applies to contemporary culture.

What's wrong with consensual reality:
1.) The environment. Is climate change a reality? 'Course I wouldn't mind if everyone would stop driving, either..
2.) The drug war. I'm told that the rehab costs are the reason behind outlawing mind-altering substances. There would probably be less crime if there was a 'no shoes, no shirt, no service' rule to buying drugs.
3.) Poverty. Financial, physical and spiritual. Children die everyday.

Catharsis.
It took me a while to find a summer job after that, I must have gone to at least 15 interviews that were either referred or related to school. After a certain waiting period, my mother's worries that I wasn't going to find a job and her remark that the local variety shop was looking for a clerk (which I know about of course, but I considered beneath me) finally made me apply, and get the variety shop clerk job. It was a pretty unmotivating job, but I was looking forward to the school year. To my dismay (I sort of saw it coming as the position I occupied was highly replaceable) they told me I didn't do it for them after two weeks (which coincided with the guy I was replacing returning from his vacation.) Through some great (my most fortunate one to date) synchronicity, I found a job, and started working even before I would have started the next work week at my old job. It paid more than any of my old jobs and was very enjoyable. I kept it during the school year.

On the subject of passions. They consume, bring forth wards and images I find revolting. I frustrate and furrow my brow visibly when I perceive these thoughts. It's all I can do to change the subject, change my mind, say "NO!" According to BOtHBB, these passions are associated with the left-hand path, practically meaning they are evil. Amongst other things associated with the left-hand path is the use of mind-altering entheogens. I've read about these passions long before I could feel them, and I was always taught they should be abandoned or discarded. This was much easier to accept than that quieting the mind's voice was zen. Now, I think these passions have some use, especially if one includes the lesser passions such as eating or lusting.

Electric charge inherent in this body. Source of the physical unease. Reminescent of a quest.
Feeling better now (palindrome of won. Now that I've won?) No longer prominently feeling like I'm hosting an exceptional.
No American breakfast cereal or gaming console.
The whole sweater and body heat theory.
LITE. My window is small these days.. Almost too small to quid. Anxious to smoke a negative parallel to the past?
I saw myself at work rising above everything, being over 50 feet tall. A huge balloon, it seemed, since I was seeing myself. Then div was there, facing me from the south. I was a little disappointed there was someone as big as I was so close.
I was asked what animal I was worshipping, and that I couldn't be my pet cat 'cause he was too far. In my neighborhood, the cats were under strict lock and key (a little too much like dogs) and
nowhere was this more apparent (ok, not that much, wanted to use that phrase) than downstairs. Nothing but squirrels, pigeons and other critter were masterless and available for worship. I longed for the Peregrine from my dreams. I knew he was around. What if this contemporary paganism was another one of these 'closely guarded secrets'? Like the McGill Lion, only they had a live one hiddensomewhere. Deep underground, beneath the Arts building, the old male flicked his tail in his PRISON, only purpose to be personified by student payers. It used to be whoever assumed his spirit the best would achieve the best marks and standing, usually as a side-effect. Nowadays, however, his interest is waning..
Feel full guilt at taping t.v. shows. As in it's 'not cool'.
My ideal life would be living as on artist, in a super clean studio apartment. That's a little unrealistic, however, and I'm studying to become a physician, with a house and wilderness. Back to one, I'd have a super nice fridge with very little, super good bottled water. It would be white, minimalist and high-ceilinged. Large windows would let in a lot of light, with the skyline at my feet. Nice plants, a pitch black grow and meditation room where I would grow rare flowers as well as journey during the plants' night cycle. Super nice computer set-up would be in one of the windowed living rooms, with a tv, couch and coffee table (the usual). Bedroom would be empty except for the bed, and would adjourn into the bathroom (dressing in between). Ahh.. Fantasizing is such a reward. Must read: The Evolutionary Mind by Sheldrake et al. The Hip on Live 8.

Cat some point during the night, possibly because I tried to sleep 12 hours. Realized that I was dreaming at another point, but suspension of disbelief/fighting wakefulness was difficult. Realization came when I refused to believe the nightmare. I opened one door to be greeted by a laughing audience. Unfocused vision. Flew around for a while, but disbelief was turning it into a run. Final waking dream, barbarian from the middle ages in our time fighting a corp. who might have travelled to his time for an artifact and brought him back accidentally. After winning, feast in his time, I was the barbarian at better times, but unfortunately identified with the second good guy from present having returned, weaker and always worrying (albeit justifiably at the end with the helis.) Although the better was obviously the barbarian king who found the banana cache and 'called' the huge first room (with the girl.) Final theme song, "All my life."

Word associations:
And: An' -> N -> Not. Meaning the opposite of the following.

In the city, a car is more important than a tv.
Different tribes. The people I work with form a relatively stable community. The more people change, the more it stays the same. Hiring a new person like adding a drop of water to the pond.
In any case, along comes this hunter from another tribe, thinking she can blend in. The sedentary style seems to pose no threat to her passing.
I have the eyes of a bug, a bee maybe. Noticed after I saw the albeit nice jaw structure. I could see wolf, but hard time seeing cat.
Tremendous regret that I should have slept an hour ago. Sleeping now would probably not be worth it. Health effects. Sleeping the whole night will probably be better.
Copyrights are granted to the authors stating that only they may copy their stories.

Word associations:

Me: fear
Have: to "halve" something, from which all other double entendres stem. Double meanings to every word. Double meaning it's nearest synonym.
Sure: Shhh-ure, be quiet.
Here: Hear, listen.
Meat: meet

Beta: Like: I Ke, I Care

How to have what you want: A guide to choosing the sex of your child
Let me begin by saying that this content is biased towards selecting for a male. I don't know that this is the case with all people, as I've had this conversation with a male friend sometime ago and he expressed the opposite desire, where he wanted to have 'daddy's little girl'.
In any case, a lot more evidence (under the form of studies) points to women as a determining factor, which is unfortunate as controlling certain aspects of my own life seemed lot less cold and calculated than, say, 'selecting' a mate based on the likelihood of the offspring's gender.
That being said, optimistic women ar more likely to have sons. Their expectation of how long they think they are going to live, or their perceived level of comfort and luxury is positively correlated with having sons, because having a son is more of an investment than having a daughter. For the same reason, I expect, mothers in stable relationships more likely to have boys, while single mothers are more likely to have daughters.