"School"
I go to school, am doing alright except that I'm a few days late. I return home, and call the french teacher after I've made myself an awesome lunch. I'm all apologetic, and it's alright, getting by as always. We then talk a little about the new teacher, who I'm apparently having difficulties with. Then, I'm going upstairs as I expect to hang up soon, and brother is super disrespectful of my food like, "Here, I set it up for you" and throws it. Other brother laughs. I want to say, "Hey!" but I'm on the phone and I resign myself to the fact that if I didn't catch him in the act it's no good. So I make my choice among both priorities and lock myself in the bathroom to get privacy and finish this phone conversation.
I say, "Hello.... Hello?"
Finally, The new teacher answers instead of the french one. She's like, all teary-eyed and stuff, and talking about her morning class, but I correct her and tell her I'm going to be in her afternoon class. She's like, "Afternoon? Yeah, I'm going to it right now! Are you going to be there or do you want me to stand around like a picket?!" (In french, with a french accent.) My heart sinks, as I'm going through the possibilities: I can run and make it late, or not. And I tell her, "No, no.. But in the future (a l'avenir..)." Bad on all fronts: bad with brother, bad with the teacher!
Wednesday, September 17, 2003
"The riddle"*
Starts out I'm taking care of brother. In a mall or something. Go into department store or something, strip and go swimming in their fountain. Later, realize there are still people all over the place. They ignore us as we disorganize everything and take stuff at will. I grab my stuff and we go upstairs into this little room.
On a bed facing the wall.. He splits, then I have to follow, almost outside, and I'm paranoid, worrying 'cause I'm responsible for him and it's so much if we get caught. He's having fun, apparently. Then I have a momentary transmogrification and I'm following to someplace, 'cause I returned there with my sister at night. Brother's not there, which is good, 'cause he would have continued the reckless pattern and pointed me out as the guy who taught him this. I almost take something, but it's risky as heck 'cause there's somebody right there (I see after the fact.) So I hear from her that where we were headed is that-a-way (she's asked that person,) to the biology dept. So we are going, and I'm as gloomy as ever, in the public humiliation of following my her.
She's as bright as ever, asking me questions and stupid ones about where we're going to make me answer. Like taking the wrong path on purpose. Finally, the building turns into the school and I remember thinking, why are going down a step if we just went up one? It totally reminds of an Escher painting. It was probably like in the school, an overpass or something, I told myself. Then, she disappears, and I'm left with two dependents. One, a tall, fair person, is confident and following us well. The other, blind, short and dirty, I'm responsible for as we are going somewhere. The short one is going to wait for us at the biology dept. The blond is faceless, but seems nice. As we walk away, we're talking and getting along really well. There's a whole bunch of people in the central bottom-floor square in a seating arrangement kind of like facing a stage, but I don't look at a stage. I get a good feeling, and I'm not even sure that where the the other is, so I put it in a hypothetical situation that says something nice. All I hear is that "this is exactly what IS happening!"
Down by the crowd, four people ask me a riddle about how 'if I had the last of my water, and we were in the desert' to who would I give it to. I answer I'd give it to both of them, and they are confused, so I try and explain. Someone annoying and small, jumps in and says, "All of them." And that was the right answer. I'm told repeatedly that I gave the wrong answer, I was wrong, etc. by attorney. I wake up a little later, not caring about anything else that having done the right thing.
Starts out I'm taking care of brother. In a mall or something. Go into department store or something, strip and go swimming in their fountain. Later, realize there are still people all over the place. They ignore us as we disorganize everything and take stuff at will. I grab my stuff and we go upstairs into this little room.
On a bed facing the wall.. He splits, then I have to follow, almost outside, and I'm paranoid, worrying 'cause I'm responsible for him and it's so much if we get caught. He's having fun, apparently. Then I have a momentary transmogrification and I'm following to someplace, 'cause I returned there with my sister at night. Brother's not there, which is good, 'cause he would have continued the reckless pattern and pointed me out as the guy who taught him this. I almost take something, but it's risky as heck 'cause there's somebody right there (I see after the fact.) So I hear from her that where we were headed is that-a-way (she's asked that person,) to the biology dept. So we are going, and I'm as gloomy as ever, in the public humiliation of following my her.
She's as bright as ever, asking me questions and stupid ones about where we're going to make me answer. Like taking the wrong path on purpose. Finally, the building turns into the school and I remember thinking, why are going down a step if we just went up one? It totally reminds of an Escher painting. It was probably like in the school, an overpass or something, I told myself. Then, she disappears, and I'm left with two dependents. One, a tall, fair person, is confident and following us well. The other, blind, short and dirty, I'm responsible for as we are going somewhere. The short one is going to wait for us at the biology dept. The blond is faceless, but seems nice. As we walk away, we're talking and getting along really well. There's a whole bunch of people in the central bottom-floor square in a seating arrangement kind of like facing a stage, but I don't look at a stage. I get a good feeling, and I'm not even sure that where the the other is, so I put it in a hypothetical situation that says something nice. All I hear is that "this is exactly what IS happening!"
Down by the crowd, four people ask me a riddle about how 'if I had the last of my water, and we were in the desert' to who would I give it to. I answer I'd give it to both of them, and they are confused, so I try and explain. Someone annoying and small, jumps in and says, "All of them." And that was the right answer. I'm told repeatedly that I gave the wrong answer, I was wrong, etc. by attorney. I wake up a little later, not caring about anything else that having done the right thing.
Sunday, September 14, 2003
Am I supposed to realize what this means? I do the only thing I don't remember: anything else.
As soon as I feel it beginning, the premonition that I'm going to do something I've done before, I stop. I don't know if it's good or bad, and whatever I was going to do certainly isn't either, but I interrupt the flow. I guess that I have to do something different (at least this time around).
So I do. Anything different, that is. Nothing earth-shattering, I usually get around to doing what I was going to do anyway. Is this what getting older feels like?
Oddly enough, this describes not only what I'm writing about, but something else entirely.
As soon as I feel it beginning, the premonition that I'm going to do something I've done before, I stop. I don't know if it's good or bad, and whatever I was going to do certainly isn't either, but I interrupt the flow. I guess that I have to do something different (at least this time around).
So I do. Anything different, that is. Nothing earth-shattering, I usually get around to doing what I was going to do anyway. Is this what getting older feels like?
Oddly enough, this describes not only what I'm writing about, but something else entirely.
Tuesday, September 09, 2003
12/09
"Cabin Fever"*
Couldn't remember at first, then it started coming back to me. I remember the part that was cool like _going_ to the movies, then had to escape this madman who could tower over the woods. I was helping these two strangers escape, and when I turned back and they were no longer there, I didn't trust them enough to believe they still needed help. Met back with them at the lobby and they were mad at me and ignoring me. Escaping had been very hard though, and scary. Another part was the items we had in the car.
At the movies with a large family. I work at the theatre, and so they ask my help in doing this "I-need-a-third-account-to-watch-this" thing. I picture myself asking the guards and stuff to let them in and the risk of failure even though I'm an employee that they simply can't. I am not succeeding in time to add their third account (I'm looking at my watch) since the movie is about to begin and they've already taken their seats. So finally I panic and simply bill it under one of their two existing accounts. As they exit I hear the father say "the bill said to bill it." And that's when I realize I HADN'T paid for it and they had been stuck with the bill even though I had supposedly "invited" them. Embarrassment, humiliation. More to the point, I couldn't express my humiliation at jeopardizing our relationship. The excuses I would have to give! I mean, even if I'd paid for it right there..
"Cabin Fever"*
Couldn't remember at first, then it started coming back to me. I remember the part that was cool like _going_ to the movies, then had to escape this madman who could tower over the woods. I was helping these two strangers escape, and when I turned back and they were no longer there, I didn't trust them enough to believe they still needed help. Met back with them at the lobby and they were mad at me and ignoring me. Escaping had been very hard though, and scary. Another part was the items we had in the car.
At the movies with a large family. I work at the theatre, and so they ask my help in doing this "I-need-a-third-account-to-watch-this" thing. I picture myself asking the guards and stuff to let them in and the risk of failure even though I'm an employee that they simply can't. I am not succeeding in time to add their third account (I'm looking at my watch) since the movie is about to begin and they've already taken their seats. So finally I panic and simply bill it under one of their two existing accounts. As they exit I hear the father say "the bill said to bill it." And that's when I realize I HADN'T paid for it and they had been stuck with the bill even though I had supposedly "invited" them. Embarrassment, humiliation. More to the point, I couldn't express my humiliation at jeopardizing our relationship. The excuses I would have to give! I mean, even if I'd paid for it right there..
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