Here are a few of the new songs/podcasts I've been listening to recently:

GT vs. Project C, most of their mixes are available for download in the forum by the same name, I recommend 11, 15 and 18 if you like vocal trance.

Just Good Music Podcast (available in the Itunes podcast directory): Episode "Best of 2005", the last song (20min mark).

I've also been watching the "Yoga Today" vodcast. They are large downloads but top notch quality. Some of that stuff is hard!

It's like I'm in the twilight zone or something!
When I regret something it projects back into the past as a warning which, since the regret comes after the fact, doesn't warn me on time. Rather, I want to learn from my mistake as a whole and not focus on the details. Project that back in time as a stand-alone framework lesson and not a situation specific regret.

Synchronicity convinced me I am right to think it's not as easy as some atheists would have you believe, hehe..
I mean sure, physics can precisely and minutely describe everything that happened since the big bang but if you stop there then that really isn't any better since if you can't explain the big bang then nothing is stopping anything else from happening and being "Big Bang #2" or something..
Besides, there are a whole slew of things, from the quantum molecular level to the light-bending-around-stars magnitude that physics can't account for and could easily explain a great number of 'paranormal' phenomena that people usually dismiss out of hand instead of being a little more tolerant.
Now I'm not advocating joining Heaven's Gate or anything like that, but can we please open our eyes and start taking a look at this stuff instead of spending so much time and money killing each other in Iraq?

Whoa, I can't be sure it was a dream (but where else could I remember this from?) but I remember reading that my idea was accepted into the Global Ideas Bank recently, and lo and behold this morning I get an e-mail from them saying just that!

Click Here to see it!

More on the story. I just realized how similar to Hypnic's description of his dream, when he had an OBE:
"Next I was flying towards the back of my head, from the direction of the sun. I entered my brain and began paging through my memories, having no clue who I was. At the same time I was freaking out because I didn’t know how to interface with this reality properly and it felt permanent."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Flammarion.jpg

My Goals : Sustainability & Exploration

I. Sustainability means living in harmony with nature and others such that all my basic needs are met. Anything possible is available in unlimited quantities at nobody's expense.

II. Exploration means going out and finding new places and ideas. Settling in other places, building a sustainable system while preserving the original state of affairs. Getting to know new people and developing new abilities for communication.

Ouch!
I totally got beaten up in my dream last night.. and I didn't evn fight back. Didn't hurt as much as I thought. I tried closing my fist as hard as I could to show him how big it was but he could break it by closing his hand over it. Also dreamt about telling my old Math 314 prof, I shouldn't hold grudges like that.

The solution to growing social isolation caused by perpetual iPod use

So the other day I was imagining what it would be like if everyone on the bus could hear the music I was listening to when I got the idea for the next ipod.
They already have iTrip, a little device that you connect to your ipod to let it broadcast to a local radio station. All they have to do is miniaturize it by designing it to broadcast only to other ipods. Wouldn't it be cool for the whole subway car to be tuned in to the same dj's playlist?

Reality Gloves.

In this story, people use bodies to handle this universe similarly to how scientists use glove boxes.



Noone's very conscious of this fact, or this story wouldn't be quite as fantastic. In fact, very few people ever stopped to wonder where they come from and why they're here. Sure, everyone had heard of those questions, such as how exactly something as material as a body could be controlled by something as immaterial as a mind, but they were usually waved off and left to realm of philosophy and theology.

After all, it didn't make much sense to risk everything just to know something you'd eventually figure out anyway, right?

But in this story, every so often someone would resurface on their own. Everyone had their own methods, none of them very appealing to the general populace, who by and large accepted that the price to pay for wearing these gloves was total amnesia with regards to your higher self.

Resurfacing, my first instinct was going back. Diving back down, I now had to find my body. Of course it was effortless, all I really had to do was let go. But trying to understand the decisions that were being made for me was interesting. There was the me from other times, the me that had made different decisions, a infinite number of me's..

Perhaps the most interesting, however was the scene I witnessed while trying to reach you.















to be continued...

I wish that what I want to believe is true.

I want to be great at disciplining my thoughts. I want to have an excellent memory. I imagine myself safe, financially secure, achieving this admirable diploma at McGill, being trustworthy and attractive to others. I want to worry less about other people being affected by my actions.

My idea of heaven is an infinite number of new beautiful places to visit, a great big isolated house bought and paid for to rest in for as long as I want. Sustainable and renewing sources of food supplying me with exactly as much food as I require with minimal work. Contact with the rest of the world through the internet and cable tv. Tangible achievements to satisfy my family and give financial gifts to them. A useful history of problems I caused such that I can fix them. A creative job inventing super beautiful and useful things for people.

I'm grateful for the opportunity I had growing up to learn 3 languages. I'm grateful for having Alex as a friend who introduced me to reading lots of books and computers. I'm grateful for learning to use the internet at the best time so that I could shape it. I'm grateful for the confidence inspiring and reassuring friendships and relationships I have had.

I want the intentions I have to shine through from my soul as the beautiful and honest desires they are. I want the beauty in things to be the only thing that matters.

Mood: Worried
Got in an accident at work today. The whole day started out wrong when I decided to go with only a t-shirt under my winter coat. Zack says it's like the time I was going to high school in t-shirts in November and got pneumonia. I'm on my own now, and it's depressing. Zack is the new guy who's always comparing patterns with my history.
It was really cold coming out, especially since my coat was so loose the wind would just blow through all the time. A car splashed me in the face while I was waiting for the bus in the dark. Still didn't like listening to my favorite songs. Lots of milk to do at work, and Parc had lots of stuff from across the street which meant more time outside in the freezing rain.
Then right as 11 o'clock rolled around and the second guy (Manny) started, I locked the keys in the van. I didn't think we had a spare, so I tried the key from the other van, a coat hanger, then went to the mechanic's, then tried taxis, the cops and finally I told my boss. He found a spare in no time and I managed to get it open.
I had wasted about an hour running around trying to solve the problem by myself. Deliveries were late and it cumulated down to the next run. I didn't finish until 3:30 and walked in to my Comp 251 tutorial soaking wet from walking to the Arts building from Peel station.
I finally got home later with my roommate's bf right behind me. They were kind enough to share some of their meal with me. Then they left for the weekend, and here I am, trying to study for finals next week. It's like the season which had been building since November decided to hit all at once. I gave my phone number to the car I hit, backing up in the alley while they were trying to get out.

I'm starting a new short story about a boy robot who lives in the technoparc. It's set in the not too distant future where cars drive themselves, etc. One day he makes an online purchase and gets ripped off so he goes after the money and it takes him to Mars and beyond.

The patterns in my life are...
The more I try and break out of them the less they let me believe them later when I want to.

Tonight was exactly like the winter day 2001, sitting home alone watching super good cable and my dad came over to fix my broken window. I just laughed at the synchronicity, with an cruel and vengeful streak in there. I took pleasure in the fear my gain in knowledge was eliciting. Feeling super entitled, cool and attractive, much more so than in the 20 years previous of my life, and not ever stopping to question why. Rather like making the wrong decision after finding a 1000$ in your jacket and deciding to make a run for it instead of doing the right thing.

I know it's wrong to take pleasure in other people's fear (even stupid wrong because they might be lulling me into a false sense of security, since I don't know why they're scared). But the power is so attractive.. I sometimes do volunteer work just for the power it entails. *shame*...

I'm sorry about it, I want to do the right thing. I will declare the correct amounts on my next tax return, but I don't know what else is truly wrong (not being grateful enough?) and even that is gray. I thank the people who gave me this job and the opportunity to feel this cool by giving back, respecting in the way I believe counts and giving of my time. I need a job, so I'm not about to quit but I don't think devoting my life and giving too much of my time is the smart thing to do.

I remember one day after the break, asking them to just tell me what to do. His parents were fighting and that was all he knew. Not wanting to do anything, remaining silent because of the future. It's as if money can't buy the gratitude and hard work my parents expect from me. I can meander and be super good for the environment at that grocery store but my mother won't be proud 'cause she knows it's the easy way out. Not reaching my full potential.

Seeing life through someone else's eyes.
I had the most amazing dream the other day while meditating. By completely stilling my mind (there were other factors - too, an intense mental bond with someone in the next room I'd just met for the first time that day) and closing my eyes as if I were to go to sleep (I was actually going to take a nap) I began seeing images as if I was looking at something - but my eyes were closed. Could brainwaves be responsible for this? If so, is this the stuff dreams are made of? (haha.. sorry)

I don't know what's more frustrating, knowing that I wasn't as good yesterday or not knowing what has changed!

As I looked into her eyes, I felt the weight of the consequences of the coming decisions rippling backwards from the future.

I recognized her on a completely different level than two people meeting again after having seeing each other at a party. Although I probably had, my left brain would say, and romanticizing all this is probably not the best course of action (and neither is thinking about the best course of action).

"You're too young to have a girlfriend," I sometimes think I would have told myself.
"Sticking to your studies is really the best career move for you right now."
"She's your friend's ex," is the stickler my morals cling to my sense of what's best in the worst way.

It comes down to being able to do it, if I want. My conscience would like my younger self to know things could have been different, but ultimately my decision balances out the better possibilities. My decision won't let me wallow in the squalor that is how things could have been..

I woke up this morning happier than I have in a long time! It was as relaxed as weekends have been these days, but definitely in a more springtime season. We were living in a small townhouse or cottage near the train tracks at the end of one of the streets off Ste-Catherine's between Lansdowne and Metcalfe.
In any case it was a beautiful day. I was attracted to the girl chatting up my roommate, comparing things about their friends. It seemed they had so much in common, which I attributed to them comparing the same friends.
"My friend with the greenest shirt is named Charlie.." my roommate would say,
"Mine too!" her friend would reply.
I was finding things the both of us could talk about, and it soon became apparent that they were talking about different friends!
"It's funny that you both have so much in common yet are separated by miles!" I remarked.
My roommate started to get angry with me, asking me what I meant by 'miles'.. It was unfortunate because I was hoping she would set me up with her friend..

Later that day we had a great party on my back balcony, with a nice staircase that unfolded from against the wall. There was a baby, and everyone had come from my hometown to throw me this party 'cause I'd called my mom earlier. I felt bad 'cause I'd walked into the surprise party yelling at my brother, who was only baiting me and I should have been in a better mood. I had to buy myself back but there wasn't much time, had to call Luan back from leaving and to bring the baby back with him. Overall it was going to be fun, overcast but with BBQ-ing and lots of fun. I hoped they could stay 'cause I didn't tell them if I had to work that day.

The case for (tel)empathy:
I'd like to begin with a joke, comparing the concept of telepathy as we all know it, (hearing other people's thoughts) to something as real as quantum physics, for example. I often read proofs of the form, since this would model exactly, for all intents and purposes it can be considered that which it is modelling.
If someone could imagine what you're thinking, then there would be little difference between that and actual telepathy. So, try and imagine what people are thinking. Find out if you were right, when possible. The better you get, the closer you'll get to telepathy.
Well maybe not, but it's probably a thoughtful way to live. Real telepathy, wouldn't it improve the quality of life? Less accidents, less misunderstandings.. Everyone's heard of brainwaves, right? I've heard two brains close together oscillate at the same rate. How much information can those waves carry? It doesn't have to be a lot, when things get down to the cellular level (i.e. neurons). Chaos theory is fond of quoting it's butterfly-causing-storms scenario, and while my brain is probably more organized than governed by chance, little static fields around my hair could send little electrical signals (how cells communicate) which can easily be amplified 1000 times over by metabotropic G-proteins.
So maybe all the information stored in the brain can be transmitted this way, visuals, memories, etc.

She told me to stay behind because she was in a hurry. I thought I was faster than her so I didn't listen..
I caught her drive and went until the first stop. I didn't have to hide so much since she was so focused on driving fast. I stopped at an island where she rushed into a apartment building. I kept up with her quite well as she rushed up the stairs even though I had to keep my distance because I can't get caught and she's starting to watch her back.
Ran into an old friend and I think I should stop and talk. I don't want to because she's getting away but not wanting to be rude wins and I stop to make small talk under pressure, he's diffident but friendly.
Next thing I know I've lost her. I start to panic. I go up the stairs all the way to the top of the building but she's gone.
I want to look through the building more thoroughly but I know I'm also not even supposed to be there. I notice that every door I open is a student's, so I ask my friend if this is a student residence. He says that it's for the an exclusive french school, St-Isites something.
I start going faster to find her but there are people milling everywhere and she's impossible to find in the crowd. A girl with dyed red hair standing beside a guy moves to talk to me, stops me, furiously furrowing her forehead, calling me out.
I agree because, well, a kiss is a kiss. I take her, but it's clumsy and wet, the best part being when she approaches nearer. I stop and give her advice. I'm like, no, "Less kissing, more body pressing", hahahaha.
Anyway, I let her get back to whatever, leave and realize that I've lost her. I'm stuck on the island, nowhere to go for who knows how long. My panic is now about whether I'll ever be able to leave. The students are all getting ready to leave and are waiting with a purpose. I think about asking my friend about going where they're going but I hesitate out of pride and lose him too. The only place that's familiar is the building I'm not really welcome in anyway. Hanging around earns me a notice and the owners of the building, probably the adults in charge of the school, put me to work.
As it gets dark I'm about to work my first shift and seal my subservience to them forever.
Before I do though I stall and walk around. I manage to group a few people who agree with me after dark (or when the power goes out). They might want to leave, but they feel accepted enough that it's unlikely they'll act on it.
I leave and go out. It's now a warm sunny day but my panic keeps me from feeling any of it. All the students have gotten on their buses and left. There are a few parked cars, but not enough. I would probably get caught if I tried to steal one to escape.
I spot a privately owned cabin near the building. It's a lot closer than I thought the nearest house was when I'd looked around in the crowd the day before. The cabin has a large underground part only visible to the top as a roof over the ground. Probably won't be welcome there either but it could be abandoned.

So the limewire guilt, part of growing up? Nowadays I just don't talk about it with anyone, 'cause it's bound to a) make me look weird, b) not lead anywhere. I can basically sum it up by it's like acting as if everyone always knows what I'm thinking, what I'm doing or have done, especially when relating to their property, makes me think I'm a better person. But living this way, it's not exactly the go-getter's attitude, more like mr.nice guy.
I used to download so many songs, movies, whatever I could get my hands on, a long time before it was popular. I'm talking like almost 10 years ago, when there weren't mp3 players and the cool kids didn't even have computers. Before napster got busted, I'd burn mix CDs like there was no tomorrow. Then I got busted, got scared a little right before I moved out, went a little too far, moved back, moved away again, started out smart enough, if a little too social, then fell right back into holier-than-thou-sobriety. Phew.. That was a long sentence..

It's just so strange, though!

Well I haven't exactly died in my sleep (how would I know?) but I've been hurt pretty badly twice.

The first time was like 1+ years ago, I had a dream I had to outrun some wolves to leave this house I was at. I tried once, and they got me, I blacked out, and started over right where I had been (weird, I know.. I was too pissed off about losing any potentially 'unsaved changes' i.e. what I had just done to ponder the philosophical ramifications).

It really hurt, though! The wolf jumped and bit me right in the abdomen. I had blinding pain and blacked out, woke up after the third time, after trying to talk to the dude at the house. (I foolishly decided to go without food that night, and totally got hunger pangs _exactly_ where the wolf had bitten me).

The last time was only just recently, like last week. I was at my lame part-time grocery delivery job (which I stay at even though I could do better, what with being in uni and all 'cause it pays SO GOOD! Few $$ per delivery, 30 odd deliveries per shift, you do the math) when this new guy was giving me undermination (undermining me) so I was like fine, I'm out of here (my shift was done anyway).

So I leave, duck into the side door of the store which leads downstairs, even though it's not my department (fruits and vegetables). Suddenly a guy comes out of the f&v room with an automatic uzi covered with a rag (is that supposed to silence it?) and shoots me 3 times in the right chest. Ow! I woke up right away. I was like, they can't fire me, so they kill me?! (I have this theory that the lower in the business world the business, the shadier and more gangster like the politics of it are.

Most recently I dreamed I was swimming with a girl .. nothing to do with dying, that girl was hot though.

Performing is so my dream... I have too much too lose, though, or maybe I just don't believe in it enough.

You kind of need a band or an audition for that kind of thing, too, I think. And a lot of time to devote to writing and just plain being creative.

I love drawing before bed, mainly because I believe it sets the theme for my dreams (I fantasize waaay too much) which in turn I believe sets the theme for the following day.

I'm glad I started recording my (better) dreams about 2-3 years ago. Conscientiously doing so has definitely improved my dream memory, which is fun, just because.
I used to blog them at adolflow.blogspot.com, but that's time too.

It's school, which is like crunch-year (crunchtime.. mmmm.. crunch.. and a little eww) 'cause I'm spsed to graduate this year. I really want to keep studying too, so I have to be good 'cause my first year wasn't all that.

It's also this part-time job, which is so demanding, I'm sure because you don't really need very many good qualifications or experience to work in a grocery store, so I have to shine in a completely different kind of way than just being smart like at school. Like being humble and deferrent to your bosses to make them like you.. Not used to it.

Let's see what my last dreams were about.
Unsurprisingly my favorite dreams are the ones where I win some girl over...

"The line is wiggling wildly these days. I mean I know I ought to be good, eat healthy, work hard, etc. but what happened to having fun? I didn't used to feel guilty about such stupid things as wanting to watch TV or buying some song on iTunes. Not to mention feeling guilty about downloading music off limewire, but that's a whole other story.
The worst part about it is I don't even feel wrong about indulging in the insanely time-consuming fantasies that are spinning out of control. It's all ups and downs, highs and lows, and I've been serious for at least half a year. I like what who I want to be likes, but all these interests are so fleeting when I don't have a mirror to reflect them. I mean, alone, I find myself empty and without hobbies or interests.
Well, it's not all cries and complaints. Whining is easy, letting it out's probably alright. They say that, for sure, so posting it is one step further than letting it out in private to a text file . I had fun, this summer, too. Moving 4 times wasn't fun, but my roommates were cool and the hip show in July was so worth it. Now there's another one in November, and I totally want to go even though it's like twice as much as it used to be.
Music is so my obsession these days, too. I've been serious all this time, I forget exactly why. Part of it must be that I'm trying to be a better student, etc. Busy with this two-bit part-time delivery job, which I know I can do better than, but the money (tips) is sooo good, probably the best salary I can get for sure! I'm just worried about what my CV will look like after graduation, with my no interships but rather a steady pattern of all my free time and then some spent at
this grocery store."
The lesson is don't spurn songs! The limewire guilt is sooo annoying, part of growing up? It's like I think acting as if everyone always knows exactly what I'm thinking, what I'm doing or have done, especially relating to their property, makes me a better person. But living this way, it's not exactly the go-getter's attitude, more like mr.nice guy.

Who do I thank when things happen in such a funny way?
-He has to be an atheist, you know
I had a not so popular song stuck in my head for no reason.
-You're not allowed to be this happy 'cause you have to move
That song made me want to listen to the Buzz (999thebuzz.com)
-Yeah but the next song was the one you spurned earlier
Angels and airwaves was the first of 9 nonstop that started EXACTLY..

Hanging out with K, following her home. She doesn't seem to care much. I invite myself over to her place. She just ignores and I follow. We get to the subway station which reminds me of NY's small stations or maybe one of Berri's sections. When the subway comes it's super clean and shiny, and looks to be higher tech and way better than the ones I'm used to.

"I thought it was going to be like Lionel-Groulx and the green line," I say meekly, since I don't want to overstay my welcome with dumb comments. We get on the subway and ride it until we're eventually riding it in Japan. The Japanese people on the subway are giving me bad vibes because of the way I got here (making me feel guilty and that I'm not as good as them). One guy sitting sideways to the right of us (I'm in the far left corner) is singing (although his voice has a little grit like he needs to cough). He's hitting the high notes though, and generally pretty good. Noone seems to be bothered by him, though, in fact they seem to like him more than me. I don't give in to the paranoia, I just say a few things here and there while playing on K's gameboy.

I eventually ask if she wants me go with her out of the subway (or was it whether it was OK for me to change seats according to the custom of the subways here?). She answers very lovingly, which I like. We get to her place, which is a subway station. That is, there was no walking between the subway stop and her place, we were just.. there. Walking through the front door, we are inside her family's kitchen. It's supposed to be really late, though, like 1 am, and I expect her family (mom, dad) to be sleeping. The kitchen counters are all made of wooden slats. There is just a lamp on in the kitchen. She stops and says, "Well here they are, the people you came to see."

I am surprised to see my cousins from my aunt's-on-my-mother's-side-of-the-family, i.e. Marisita and Jaime from Mexico city. Jaime is still much younger than I am and I am not too worried about him. His older sister, on the other hand, still radiates a vibe of distrust. Having already tried 'nuff stuff when I was 18 and she was 14 (like writing her a letter saying even though I got to go out with the adults I still wanted to be her friend), I don't want to push her away even more. Aloofness is the one thing that hasn't worked in all this time, however, so I decide to put all my cards on the table and greet her with an enthusiastic remark about how long it's been (very out of character for me and would only happen in circumstances where I was sure to get a reciprocal reaction). Dream ends on the cliffhanger of whether it will affect her or not...

22
First sitting somewhere when A.K. motions her head at me in a late bar referring to me while talking to her friends. "..Makes me think death might not be so bad.." she says with a smile. I know it's not that good a thing to say about me but I'm happy she's talking about me at all.
23
Couldn't stop insulting Denis about his hair (kept referencing it to D's). Before that at the Burtnyk's early morning not really wanted. Their cat.
Then preaching my 'holier than thou' wait for the others in the elevator philosophy.
22
Before: K untuitions. Mafia barely friends with a girl who's father's a boss. Tell her to steal the money from the safe while they're there. By telling the monkey the guy is totally there and asks me what my name is.
23
Sexy dream about Ali. When I wake up she's sad I can remember and still want her. Tearing up at 'having to do it'.
Then super sad dream about YH. We're at the new apt and she's barely moved in and she's tearing up at telling me it would be better for her to move to a high rise downtown. I'm actually pretty sad at it to.
27
Scary dream. At school in winter semester, early morning class like Spanish class wasn't too worried about it but knew better than to think I could skip a class. Get a call on my cell from L at work asking me where the heck I am. I rememeber that I forgot to ask that they change my schedule for this week. It was the 'same schedule for the next three weeks' thing that's going on right now but there was a conflict with last week's Friday. They'd gotten someone to sub for me but since it was the same schedule but different dates they just transcribed the same dates without the sub. I was now supposed to come in at 8 but it was 9:30 and my class was about to start. I was in tho room next door looking into the adjacent but not wanting to entter through the side door (I was already a little late at 9:30). So leave, have to skip, in trouble in both places.
31
Weird redneck terrorists. Adam Sandler was their leader. They did drugs at night. They initiated violence even when the cops called theirs off. First the cops came but they began to think it was a false alarm. The whole operation's cover might not have been blown. Some guy decided to shoot anyway but a cop was like, "What are you thinking?". But then full-scale violence erupted when another guy decided to shoot also and throw a grenade. I threw the grenade though but the fuse was far too long. Eventually the whole thing halted when it was discovered one of the cops had Sandler at gun point. I was (dead?) viewing the thing as third person.
1 June
Tunnel and black cat babies.
Tunnel started at home living in a NDG style apt with S who was getting friendlier. Her friend comes over who she schools by asking to please use the R-L tunnel to come over not to be wet in the rain. Her friend has a better body and blond streaks but presumable face problems. I'm already late for work so I leave and want to take the R-L tunnel but I've forgotten exactly how or something and get lost out of rush
2
Carli totally rubbing it in that I'd acted like I'd done someone but I hadn't and me hassling Mat with lots of good questions but getting partially friendly put downs.
3 June
Watching a movie about the neuroscience and what was important was the 15 times per minutes blood flow from the previous part. It was like a movie I'd already seen before. Sylvia was playing my sister, except she was blond and big blue eyed, cute, was my step sister. I (but I was seeing this part like third person) get to the school and have to fight with the 4 people gang. I know it was going to be a win though, so no harm there except maybe feeling the pain at some points. Could see one of the more sensitive thugs (3 ninjas) that were going to ask my sis out. I go out to van and get a box that I will place at her locker that I took from there that morning. I'm a bit of a rebel too but cringed when I saw him looking at the remote. One of the buttons was 'clean my whole house', a joke that now that I think about it reminds me of the clicker movie.
7
Blond teammate being cooler than me. No talking! Then hanging out w/ girls and compassion
11
Seeing superman flying, remember that I have then do a little bit with a lot of trying. I remember the feeling intensely. Visited an apartment that day, and on my way out I felt good and remembered the feeling of remembering how to fly a lot and tried.
16 June
Watching a movie about Aliens and bringing them back to earth with Teri Hatcher that starts out in the country. I start it over for D and snuggle with him to watch him giving him unrequited (he's too young to reciprocate) love even though I'm super stressed about some impending deadline
22
Movie w/ Willis spacefarer returns to Mars (which is now populated and a busy place) from the outer reaches to make things right. Gets caught in a standoff, gets out of it but they have the girl. He drops his gun just as the girl rearranges the guns to point at her captors. (I've seen this movie before so I'm not worried that he'll win out). Not right then? The girl is disappointed.
l2R RPG4 joining a party against the female fighter of that party.(Don't remember more than these handwritten notes).
Hatteras. The B's return to Hatteras often and although I've sort of become friends with them again they don't invite me. Sandwich making? I see M at the comp and W laying down (in headach position).
23
Dreams about S. Going with N on runs each in our vans. As we leave an adjacent building (the backside of a restaurant) S had escorted us out (and we thought that was the last of him), he pops his head out of a chimney to say hi (and potentially that he'd been hearing what we'd been saying). I'm happy with what we'd been saying so that's okay. I kind of want to see how he got up there, though. Before that being in an ep of Lost, I'd seen spoilers (for MI:3) that said there'd be electric eels. S volunteers to go, but he discovers the eels.
24
Hanging out with Dan, in his car. Meet the couple from work and they think Dan is cool. Dan fixes a problem with his car and we get back in it, which upsets me (because we'd been walking until then which put us on more level ground). Driving pretty fast though which was fun. Then ditch him and lose him, even though I thought I could go faster alone. See Meth and the tripDoctor coming off the highway at Atwater, with the doc looking cool wooing Meth. Luckily meth still likes me and asks me what's up. I join them at 4250 St-Ambroise at Maf's apartment #312, thinking I'll be able to rest soon. I got in through my weasel ways. They (I) get a call for a delivery (small money to be made, but it's a start and soon) for some crack. He sounds middle aged and says he's in apartment 19. It's the same building? Doesn't even cross my mind. I go do it, and get it again (even though the sales office is not yet turned off the lights.. Security). As we are now outside on the picnic table. I'm happy to be the one doing the delivery as I'll handle the money. I get to apartment 19 and knock _very_ softly on the door, wait a small to average amount of time then turn back and return. I'm starting to get paranoid that this is a setup/sting. Halfway back (outside) I decide I'll go do it (I'm having doubts like it's not right building) and start going back.
Sleeping while Sarah shows the apartment. Hanging out with Sarah, she's going to show the apartment. I decide to go in my bed right before they get there. Sarah is hot like Nik. The couple sees the place, if I impress Sarah we might _change_. They are seeing the place and it's difficult to impress her as impressing the guys is difficult while in bed. the guy says it's a nice desk, and I go overboard explaining the 3 pieces (even though none of the desk comes with the apartment). She's ready to change (morphs into crack dream above) but I'm reluctant as I haven't even taken a shower yet (why I ditch them).

Sometimes when I'm writing my dreams down I get the feeling I shouldn't. I'm still very groggy and I might be waking spontaneously so it might be the sloth talking. It's been evident for a while though. Last year as I woke and recorded a pretty mundane dream I got the feeling a specific person I had just talked to the night before (and who is also cooler than I am) was telling me she thought doing this was dumb. I ignored it though and subsequent naggings have been much quieter until this morning when I recorded a dawn dream in my usual cryptic 7 word sentence. I remembered that I hadn't been able to decipher previous dreams without further explanation though, so I proceeded to break my 7 word habit in yet another way by expounding on each word. As I did though I got the distinct feeling the girl from my dream, especially around the time I was going to talk about her, didn't want me to, claiming _this_ was 'secret'..

Take the time to talk to them but don't start talking without their attention. It'll hurt you, your confidence and your words won't or will but you aren't putting the thinking in the time.. You have to keep going, you know? After a while it won't get better and
That can't stop interrupting them until it's done. It's not because it's wrong or ill-intentioned that it can't be helped. You're better than the rest and so it has to be. It's only half-alone. And with more sense on it's way, sure you want to reach more..