Lately I realized that I somehow stumbled into the role of Ford Prefect from "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy". I acquired a satchel, and I feel like I'm using the guide when I'm using my phone or ipod. All I need now is the ability to flag down a flying saucer and I'll be all set.

Today was my day off, and I was lazy, guilty, hedonistic, went further than I have in a long time, and basically put more into question when I should have been solidifying the tried and true foundations of planning and working for my future.
I want to believe in an open minded society, but there is so little proof and when I do meet people who seem to believe, their reasons are so out of reach it is hard to want to be with them and society. I feel anti-social, and unwanted by others such as the people I meet on the bus, which I take pleasure in since I could be taking the car but I feel like the bus is 'greener'..
Things were pretty weird at some point earlier today. After I gave in to so many of my temptations and just did every even though so many details were not exactly OK, telling myself I only get one day off a week.. Except I feel like I spent more than a week's worth of work already.. So, better end this now before I let myself wallow any longer. It's done, and although I do kind of long to be with other people, I want them to want me.

Long dream where I was at a cottage yearning for attention and/or commitment from the friend but they were more interested in other friends. Interestingly the friend that the dream friend most reminded me of i.r.l. I hadn't talked to in so long and just happened to IM me out of the blue this morning. Last parts were of a smoldering forest, only recalled any after keeping myself hidden.. Shocked out of my skin by this image:

I like to think a possible heaven on earth is after I've solved the problem of finite time and resources I'll be able to create art and novelty, study the science of nature and explore the universe.
Today's thought theme was "the common goal": how other people are useful for helping and how it feels better than average being part of a joint effort. I want to opt-in to people's rules 'cause I want things that happen to erode and I am not clear on how to build bridges.
I want my thought contribution to be excellent it it's own way. I also want to be able to retreat to a place of sustainable stasis whenever and for however long...
Another common goal was the automation of child rearing. Seems that if it would be possible to build a
machine that could read thoughts or put itself in a baby's shoes after we solved the problem of infinite resources for everyone then the only thing the baby could possibly cry about would be wanting other people.

These days I wonder if it might just be me.. Seems like everything's changing.. Maybe I'm just being extra sensitive to the change. Don't get me wrong, I like change, it's just that it invariably begs the question, appealing to one's pride and ego, "How can I control this change so that I'd .."
I still want to be with you, more than so many of the the only things I can know why (?)

It's hard to believe that _I_ could be too hard on my own self, but it's like I make promises to myself, "Oh after this I will let myself buy such-and-such." Which I still think are 'guilty pleasures' when the time comes. I'm all about not giving in to temptation when I'm home, like I'm making up for past crimes all the time. It's not like any amount of work will ever satisfy the guilt, since nothing can change the past.
Ok, more concretely, should I be looking for a better job?

http://www.designboom.com/weblog/index.php
Recently it seems like the ever expanding model of the universe is a particularly fitting metaphor. Now I don't want to sound depressing but it just seems like I'm only every growing further apart from other people, when what I really want is to get closer. I'm also not being chauvinistic when I say I'm not particularly obsessed with one person, I'm not trying to be arrogant by saying all this very stereotypical to me stuff about free love and let's all love each other, relationships can be very serious, what with stds and possible heartbreaks, etc. what with coming from different cultures, etc. Going off topic a little, I had a rather iffy (like this isn't necessarily politically correct and/or might be little too costly for me) feeling from the beginning. It seems like there were more and more something, you'll have to forgive my half attention span due to watching something else.

http://ffffound.com/image/b792d0dac26ac6209e1fd262382b9389d3ddaeb0

http://ffffound.com/image/78d699fa2ca18ff51435b2bac8c282be51592c87

So I want thinking about breathing last night, seems like humans do it, plants do it, but nothing man-made (i.e. machines) do it. Plants and humans complement themselves very well by producing what each other uses, but I think most of the air is still nitrogen. So, if we could build a filter that would separate nitrogen from the air, we could have cars that run on nitrogen in much the same way they use nitro boosts for racing. Then ideally the output would be oxygen and carbon dioxide, so that everyone would be happy! ;)
Also had a nice flying dream last night, flying down the hall of someone's building after doing delivery (even though I haven't worked there in almost 6 months). I knew it was the wrong floor,and something was wrong with my eyes as I flew (my right eye was going out of focus and being crossed, causing me to steering to the left). Something about how pilots' main requirement is 20/20 vision.
Cute

I have a new website (basically migrated my cs@mcgill account) on my computer, which means I don't use a webserver, but on the other hand is only available when my computer's connected to the internet (not that often since I put it to sleep when I'm not around).