Deja vu while looking up stuff I missed from class because I was surfing the web for personal interest. Its perspective was so harsh, treating me like a new freshman (I get that a lot this semester), that I blamed the prof. I've felt this way before, my first semester. Not a good memory, changing it this time..

Patterns update: Feel like I'm reliving my senior year of high school.. :(

It's weird, for the past several days, no matter how late I've gone to bed the night before, how upside down my sleep schedule has been, and most peculiarly, no matter how long I wish to toss and turn in the morning, every single time I get up to check the time on my watch (I know, no alarm clock is an annoying trailing habit I should break.. just find me a suitable one)..

Right so anyway, every day for the past several days when I've gone to check the time it's been exactly 8 am (or 9 this weekend I think, point is the exactness), Exactly! It's like I have a virtual wake up call!

Making the right decision: Expected Value Theory:

The worst that can happen:

Oh, I won't write about that, I mean let's not be pessimists here. So there's not getting good enough grades in school, which leads to not graduating and having my whole mom's side of the family be disappointed in me. Dad too, probably. Then there's not making probation (they have all they need to use against me) and getting fired from my job, which would have all of Dad's side disappointed in me.
Now, I want to say, let's add insult to injury. Is having people be disappointed in me really the worst that can happen? Well when you consider how many favors I'm asking, me the one who never asks, it seems pretty important.

The best that can happen:

Shh.. You'll jinx it! I guess it's a good sign that disappointing people is the worst thing I think can happen to me.

New post, to get all that negativity off the front page. Printer problems, I don't get it, I didn't change anything?
It's already thanksgiving here, so thanks to all the people in my life who've helped make me who I am today. I'm especially thankful to the people who were patient with me when I gave them undue attention while I learnt from their good influence. My roommates, etc.

Listening to GYBE always has such an emotional effect on me.. I'm listening to one of their good ones now, don't even know which one, and just talking about it is giving me glow. What I was feeling earlier was this very wistful, listless feeling, remembering the days when I was in high school, possibly because I tried to pull the old switcharoo on David who just logged on. By pulling it on him I of course mean completely unbeknownst to him, as I was just exploring the reverse world pattern where he would be exactly the way I was back in high school and I'd be how he was.
In any case, a very fall-like feeling, not knowing where my life is going, feeling like this all or nothing meme is going to get its bluff called soon. Winter's looming and it's not enticing to me to be homeless.. I feel like it's the reverse world pattern with Julia though, with her calling me, etc. She has so much stuff, if she were a little more flexible I could really change her. Now though I feel like it's a good opportunity but I'm being morose about it.

Dreamt that I was being careless as I've been fearing.. Hedonistic, testing how little work I can do before getting kicked out/fired.

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Dreamt that I was taking the train away from the airport. It was somehow not what I supposed to do given my job, but I didn't want to wait on the plane. As we left the vicinity of the airport it started getting real quite and I had to grudgingly admit that it was a nice way to travel.