Walking around downtown nun's island I twice ran into ducks at the store.. Ducks! Downtown at the store!

From LifeCast

From LifeCast

From LifeCast

From LifeCast

And if it wasn't the ducks, it was the great heron at the lake by my place.. Or the family of loons at Parc Angrignon..

From LifeCast

From LifeCast

Emotionally drained; sad (blue) and scared (yellow); stupid job has to color my life with the company colors even! J/K, not wrecked

New bike! Dad's was closer than I thought, only 10km: http://ping.fm/TSLCP

View Forest Walk in a larger map

Paralyzed by perfectionism

It's as if some invisible accountant is tabulating my energy expenditure and as the days starts out OK, my mind wears down with the worries that even though nobody's perfect, I should try and just not do _anything_ because, for example, turning on the computer now will just be a waste of electricity and will add on to the already over-the-limit wifi bill. As you can see, I caved.

Recyling water

I hear they reuse the water from the shower in japan and in a similar vein in think the water going down the bathroom sink should go directly into the tank behind the toilet.

I went for a nice hike today, after the weather we had the air was fresh and the woods were green.. http://ping.fm/U8ciX

Reasons

What's a reasonable balance between a conscious effort to improve upon the past and an all-too demanding perfectionist streak? The things I take for granted are that the world is in bad shape and that there is no use putting all pleasure off. So in between a complete devotion to work and giving in to peer pressure, where do I draw the line? I dreamt that I was reconnecting with my cousin and I was worried that we'd left his wife behind at the store. Is it OK to be friends with everyone? Is is wrong to try and make friends by offering them discounts on flights like I get at work?

Here's what I have so far.. but where's my happy ending?

So why are we here again? What's the purpose of life? (Please leave your comments!) According to the religion I was brought up in, we're in some kind of test to see if we're good enough to get to heaven. Seems a little wasteful of the infinite possibilities that the time and space available in the universe confine us to a set of finite time and possibilities all mostly mapped out. So to be good, well goodness is faith. I think in most of its forms too, like trust of your fellow human being to do unto you and not steal or hurt you. But what else? I justify most of my hedonistic tendencies, which I know are selfish and therefore against some people's definition of good (I think buddhism?) I justify them by claiming we have to be realist in life and take what we can while we're here. It just seems like such a struggle sometimes, right now I don't entirely regret writing this post even though it uses electricity and therefore conflicts with living in harmony with nature or at least self-sufficience.

The other kind of scary dream

This morning I dreamt I was acting the know-it-all in my EWR training and finding other interesting things to do instead. I got so side-tracked that the group went on ahead, I was so worried they were going to leave me behind that I woke up. To top it off I woke up with the guilt from acting that way in my dream, casting a bad light on the new, albeit rainy, morning.

Bittersweet

Isn't anything bittersweet anymore? Fear has crept into my life and taints every future I think about. I don't sleep too well and when I dream they are either melancholy dreams or good dreams I regret aren't real. My sense of self-restraint is all but shot, I pretty much eat as bad as I want and am even staying up to write this and dwell in self-loathing.

Does anyone know about Ceylon tea? I have a lot all of a sudden, but never tried it (or made it) before so not sure how to proceed..

Delays and claims galore.. what else is new?

At least I got my car back.. and this cool new watch from Tokyoflash! I take a delay everytime I check the time now though, it's a whole process to decode what time it is!

Going with the flow...

Ok, this might be a little bit of a depressing post, so I apologize in advance if it brings you down.. I guess what I'm fearing these days, and suppose for the sake of being prepared if it ever happens, is that there is nothing I can do to affect the course the world is on. I am trying to be a good citizen. I don't lie or steal, and generally try to set a good example. my job is really great, even though it's a little easy. But what if my fears a justified? What will happen if the world keeps going to war and resources keep getting depleted, and pollution keeps poisoning the planet and this financial crisis and swine flu, etc, etc.. It's enough to make anyone go nuts. But I don't, I'm not. I try and keep friends, but it's hard when you're scared. Anyway, I would like to be able to affect the world around me starting with myself. I'm earning savings, why can't my company turn a profit? Does anyone out there have any suggestions other than blind faith for dealing with this fear? I obviously already hope that we will get through this by inventing some kind of renewable energy source..