I'm starting a new short story about a boy robot who lives in the technoparc. It's set in the not too distant future where cars drive themselves, etc. One day he makes an online purchase and gets ripped off so he goes after the money and it takes him to Mars and beyond.

The patterns in my life are...
The more I try and break out of them the less they let me believe them later when I want to.

Tonight was exactly like the winter day 2001, sitting home alone watching super good cable and my dad came over to fix my broken window. I just laughed at the synchronicity, with an cruel and vengeful streak in there. I took pleasure in the fear my gain in knowledge was eliciting. Feeling super entitled, cool and attractive, much more so than in the 20 years previous of my life, and not ever stopping to question why. Rather like making the wrong decision after finding a 1000$ in your jacket and deciding to make a run for it instead of doing the right thing.

I know it's wrong to take pleasure in other people's fear (even stupid wrong because they might be lulling me into a false sense of security, since I don't know why they're scared). But the power is so attractive.. I sometimes do volunteer work just for the power it entails. *shame*...

I'm sorry about it, I want to do the right thing. I will declare the correct amounts on my next tax return, but I don't know what else is truly wrong (not being grateful enough?) and even that is gray. I thank the people who gave me this job and the opportunity to feel this cool by giving back, respecting in the way I believe counts and giving of my time. I need a job, so I'm not about to quit but I don't think devoting my life and giving too much of my time is the smart thing to do.

I remember one day after the break, asking them to just tell me what to do. His parents were fighting and that was all he knew. Not wanting to do anything, remaining silent because of the future. It's as if money can't buy the gratitude and hard work my parents expect from me. I can meander and be super good for the environment at that grocery store but my mother won't be proud 'cause she knows it's the easy way out. Not reaching my full potential.

Seeing life through someone else's eyes.
I had the most amazing dream the other day while meditating. By completely stilling my mind (there were other factors - too, an intense mental bond with someone in the next room I'd just met for the first time that day) and closing my eyes as if I were to go to sleep (I was actually going to take a nap) I began seeing images as if I was looking at something - but my eyes were closed. Could brainwaves be responsible for this? If so, is this the stuff dreams are made of? (haha.. sorry)

I don't know what's more frustrating, knowing that I wasn't as good yesterday or not knowing what has changed!

As I looked into her eyes, I felt the weight of the consequences of the coming decisions rippling backwards from the future.

I recognized her on a completely different level than two people meeting again after having seeing each other at a party. Although I probably had, my left brain would say, and romanticizing all this is probably not the best course of action (and neither is thinking about the best course of action).

"You're too young to have a girlfriend," I sometimes think I would have told myself.
"Sticking to your studies is really the best career move for you right now."
"She's your friend's ex," is the stickler my morals cling to my sense of what's best in the worst way.

It comes down to being able to do it, if I want. My conscience would like my younger self to know things could have been different, but ultimately my decision balances out the better possibilities. My decision won't let me wallow in the squalor that is how things could have been..

I woke up this morning happier than I have in a long time! It was as relaxed as weekends have been these days, but definitely in a more springtime season. We were living in a small townhouse or cottage near the train tracks at the end of one of the streets off Ste-Catherine's between Lansdowne and Metcalfe.
In any case it was a beautiful day. I was attracted to the girl chatting up my roommate, comparing things about their friends. It seemed they had so much in common, which I attributed to them comparing the same friends.
"My friend with the greenest shirt is named Charlie.." my roommate would say,
"Mine too!" her friend would reply.
I was finding things the both of us could talk about, and it soon became apparent that they were talking about different friends!
"It's funny that you both have so much in common yet are separated by miles!" I remarked.
My roommate started to get angry with me, asking me what I meant by 'miles'.. It was unfortunate because I was hoping she would set me up with her friend..

Later that day we had a great party on my back balcony, with a nice staircase that unfolded from against the wall. There was a baby, and everyone had come from my hometown to throw me this party 'cause I'd called my mom earlier. I felt bad 'cause I'd walked into the surprise party yelling at my brother, who was only baiting me and I should have been in a better mood. I had to buy myself back but there wasn't much time, had to call Luan back from leaving and to bring the baby back with him. Overall it was going to be fun, overcast but with BBQ-ing and lots of fun. I hoped they could stay 'cause I didn't tell them if I had to work that day.