Today was my day off, and I was lazy, guilty, hedonistic, went further than I have in a long time, and basically put more into question when I should have been solidifying the tried and true foundations of planning and working for my future.
I want to believe in an open minded society, but there is so little proof and when I do meet people who seem to believe, their reasons are so out of reach it is hard to want to be with them and society. I feel anti-social, and unwanted by others such as the people I meet on the bus, which I take pleasure in since I could be taking the car but I feel like the bus is 'greener'..
Things were pretty weird at some point earlier today. After I gave in to so many of my temptations and just did every even though so many details were not exactly OK, telling myself I only get one day off a week.. Except I feel like I spent more than a week's worth of work already.. So, better end this now before I let myself wallow any longer. It's done, and although I do kind of long to be with other people, I want them to want me.